Romance and Reality
When I was younger and had my starry, romantic expectations of engagements and weddings, I asked my mother what my father had done to propose to her. I had visions of flowers, a ring, kneeling, and some moonlight at the very least. (Perhaps I had seen too many movies.) My mother thought for a moment and then told me that my father never officially proposed exactly. They just decided to get married.
Talk about deflated dreams!! Part of me never quite believed it because how could you "just decide" to get married? Didn't someone have to ask the question?
There must be a part of the universe that just snickers when you make assumptions like that. Then, it arranges to smack you upside the head. (Like when I airily informed my aunt that I needed to marry a guy who had gone straight into a four year university, not one who had gone to junior college first. Little did my 18-year-old self know....)
Anyway, over the next couple of months Terence and I somehow just decided to get married. I quite honestly can't remember how exactly we settled on that, but I do remember quite vividly that Terence didn't officially propose. In fact, I distinctly remember driving home from church with him one day when he made a comment about "when we get married" and I complained that he had never actually asked me to marry him. So Terence stopped the car, asked me if I would marry him, and somehow thought that counted as a proposal.
Ah, life is funny.
Well, our engagement was not exactly free of bumps. My grandparents were less than pleased at the idea of an interracial marriage. I later learned that my grandparents and my great aunt and uncle pulled my mother aside and demanded that she make me cancel the wedding. Of course, my mother refused-- pointing out that I was an adult and I would marry whomever I wanted. (Fortunately, my grandparents got over that once they met Terence.) Terence faced some resistance too. Not from any of his immediate family, but there were some angry comments from the extended family about the wedding being in the temple. (Terence is a convert, and only his mother and siblings had joined the church too.) But he politely listened and then refused to change his mind.
The only "bump" between Terence and I personally was when to get married. Terence wanted to wait at least a year, if not more, so that he could pay off his credit cards and save some money. I was a fan of the "sooner, not later" opinion, since I was afraid that with our raging hormones waiting too long was just asking for trouble. In the end I fasted to decide on a wedding date. (Nothing like a little inspiration to solve a dilemma.) When I came back to Terence with my inspired date, his response was along the lines of "That's perfect!" So we set the wedding for March.
At work my coworkers were horrified. "You're getting married in 8 months??? That's way too soon! You don't even know him yet-- and how will you get a wedding together that quickly?" At church people were horrified. "You're getting married in 8 months??? That's way too long! You'll never make it!!!" Oh, well. At least Terence and I knew our timing was right.
(To be continued. . . one more episode ought to do it, I think!)
Talk about deflated dreams!! Part of me never quite believed it because how could you "just decide" to get married? Didn't someone have to ask the question?
There must be a part of the universe that just snickers when you make assumptions like that. Then, it arranges to smack you upside the head. (Like when I airily informed my aunt that I needed to marry a guy who had gone straight into a four year university, not one who had gone to junior college first. Little did my 18-year-old self know....)
Anyway, over the next couple of months Terence and I somehow just decided to get married. I quite honestly can't remember how exactly we settled on that, but I do remember quite vividly that Terence didn't officially propose. In fact, I distinctly remember driving home from church with him one day when he made a comment about "when we get married" and I complained that he had never actually asked me to marry him. So Terence stopped the car, asked me if I would marry him, and somehow thought that counted as a proposal.
Ah, life is funny.
Well, our engagement was not exactly free of bumps. My grandparents were less than pleased at the idea of an interracial marriage. I later learned that my grandparents and my great aunt and uncle pulled my mother aside and demanded that she make me cancel the wedding. Of course, my mother refused-- pointing out that I was an adult and I would marry whomever I wanted. (Fortunately, my grandparents got over that once they met Terence.) Terence faced some resistance too. Not from any of his immediate family, but there were some angry comments from the extended family about the wedding being in the temple. (Terence is a convert, and only his mother and siblings had joined the church too.) But he politely listened and then refused to change his mind.
The only "bump" between Terence and I personally was when to get married. Terence wanted to wait at least a year, if not more, so that he could pay off his credit cards and save some money. I was a fan of the "sooner, not later" opinion, since I was afraid that with our raging hormones waiting too long was just asking for trouble. In the end I fasted to decide on a wedding date. (Nothing like a little inspiration to solve a dilemma.) When I came back to Terence with my inspired date, his response was along the lines of "That's perfect!" So we set the wedding for March.
At work my coworkers were horrified. "You're getting married in 8 months??? That's way too soon! You don't even know him yet-- and how will you get a wedding together that quickly?" At church people were horrified. "You're getting married in 8 months??? That's way too long! You'll never make it!!!" Oh, well. At least Terence and I knew our timing was right.
(To be continued. . . one more episode ought to do it, I think!)
Comments
It's so true! people out side of the church totally think if your engagement is less then a yr, it's too soon!
In my family, if your engagement is longer then 4 months it's too long. In my family, we pulled together a wedding in a month. It can be done.