The Blessings of Complications
Nine years ago I spent the month of November on bed rest for premature labor. (Well, I spent some of October and most of December on bed rest too.) It felt like forever. Eight weeks is a long time when you have three kids. Worst of all, I missed the entire season of fall in the desert. It was still blazing hot when I began my "confinement" and straight up winter when I was set free. (That's what it felt like. "FREEDOM!")
That was my pregnancy with K. It was a life changing one in many ways. Oh, all my pregnancies were different and life changing, but the one with K included some dramatic changes for the better. It's one of the bright spots when I look back in my life-- a period that was filled with such highs that it literally stands out in my memory with a glow, if that makes any sense.
Tonight I thought I'd blog about one of the major miracles of my life that had its seed during that time on bed rest. One of the responsibilities all adult LDS women are given is that of visiting teaching. Basically, you are assigned a list of three or four other women (sometimes less, sometimes more) that you are responsible for visiting with a partner every month. The idea is that every woman in the church will have someone checking on her, to make sure that she is doing OK. If she needs help, her visiting teachers are ideally the first ones on the front line to her rescue. Now, like all programs implemented by humans and not robots, it doesn't work perfectly. Not everyone gets visited, not every visiting teacher cares about those she is assigned to, and most commonly, not everyone gets along. Again, because we are humans and not robots! Different personalities and all that. But it does a lot of good all the same.
Visiting teaching has always been hard for me. Not because I haven't wanted to make friends with others in the ward and not because I didn't care about helping others. Primarily it is because above all I am an introvert with a serious phone phobia. Sitting and socializing is exhausting-- and terrifying when I don't already know the person well. And worst of all, it's nearly impossible to coordinate without some phone usage being involved. So I'll freely admit I was one of those women who would groan every time a reminder came. Not because I'd forgotten-- rarely did I ever forget about the sisters I needed to visit-- but because the list of phone calls that would have to be made to my partner and to our assigned women.
Once I was on bed rest I got a free pass-- obviously I couldn't go visit anyone, so the Relief Society President (the sister in charge of the women's ministry) changed my assignment to a "mail route." My job was to write chatty, pleasant letters to those ladies who were listed on our ward records but didn't want anyone to visit them personally. It was easy-- writing is one of my strengths-- and best of all, no phone calls required! It was awesome!
But it only lasted one month.
In December, the RS president visited me at home and told me that she was changing my assignment. I was kind of flabbergasted. After all, I couldn't go anywhere yet. But she explained to me that there was a new sister in our ward who had moved in down the street from me. She was married with two kids, and she was a relatively recent convert to our church. Vera said she had prayed about the best person to pair with this new sister who could be a friend and help "anchor" her in her new ward.
The answer she got was my name.
I didn't meet Kristi until a month later, after K was born. I honestly have no idea what her impression of me was at that time. For me, the memory is pretty hazy-- I was sleep deprived and there were so many changes going on. But we became friends, not just partners, pretty quickly.
It was a miracle in the making. One of the great blessings in my life. There was no way to know it at the time but the RS president's prayer led to me gaining one of my best friends.
Kristi and I have now been visiting teaching companions for nearly 9 years straight! (For those of you who are LDS, you will recognize how unusual this is!!!) We have also been through thick and thin together. Struggles with faith and struggles with finances and impossible health challenges. Desperate emergencies (I will never forget when her son Nic pounded on my door to tell me that his younger brother had broken his arm and to come quick. I raced over to find Justin's bone poking through his arm and Kristi completely in shock and unable to even decide what to do first.) Fertility treatments and pregnancies and new babies. School dilemmas and IEP's. Car troubles and house remodeling (it was Kristi's husband who helped me figure out how to do big drywall patches). Carpooling to a gazillion things. Visit after visit after visit to those we've cared about. Soooo many conversations, especially by text. (Thank heavens for texting! My phone phobia does not extend to that.) I was able to be there when Kristi and Alex were sealed in the temple to each other and to their kids. And it is Kristi who is constantly cheering me on about my books and encouraging me to have confidence in it-- she takes it seriously, which is a tremendous blessing for a writer who is always doubting herself.
In short, Kristi is one of the great gifts in my life. All because a Relief Society President followed a prompting that didn't make much sense at the time. At least not to me, with my short-sighted view.
Now Kristi is a brand new RS president herself. And she just may have the opportunity to instigate such a miracle in someone else's life. I hope so.
Next week I'll blog about another of the great blessings that came from this complicated pregnancy: major changes in my physical health!
That was my pregnancy with K. It was a life changing one in many ways. Oh, all my pregnancies were different and life changing, but the one with K included some dramatic changes for the better. It's one of the bright spots when I look back in my life-- a period that was filled with such highs that it literally stands out in my memory with a glow, if that makes any sense.
Tonight I thought I'd blog about one of the major miracles of my life that had its seed during that time on bed rest. One of the responsibilities all adult LDS women are given is that of visiting teaching. Basically, you are assigned a list of three or four other women (sometimes less, sometimes more) that you are responsible for visiting with a partner every month. The idea is that every woman in the church will have someone checking on her, to make sure that she is doing OK. If she needs help, her visiting teachers are ideally the first ones on the front line to her rescue. Now, like all programs implemented by humans and not robots, it doesn't work perfectly. Not everyone gets visited, not every visiting teacher cares about those she is assigned to, and most commonly, not everyone gets along. Again, because we are humans and not robots! Different personalities and all that. But it does a lot of good all the same.
Visiting teaching has always been hard for me. Not because I haven't wanted to make friends with others in the ward and not because I didn't care about helping others. Primarily it is because above all I am an introvert with a serious phone phobia. Sitting and socializing is exhausting-- and terrifying when I don't already know the person well. And worst of all, it's nearly impossible to coordinate without some phone usage being involved. So I'll freely admit I was one of those women who would groan every time a reminder came. Not because I'd forgotten-- rarely did I ever forget about the sisters I needed to visit-- but because the list of phone calls that would have to be made to my partner and to our assigned women.
Once I was on bed rest I got a free pass-- obviously I couldn't go visit anyone, so the Relief Society President (the sister in charge of the women's ministry) changed my assignment to a "mail route." My job was to write chatty, pleasant letters to those ladies who were listed on our ward records but didn't want anyone to visit them personally. It was easy-- writing is one of my strengths-- and best of all, no phone calls required! It was awesome!
But it only lasted one month.
In December, the RS president visited me at home and told me that she was changing my assignment. I was kind of flabbergasted. After all, I couldn't go anywhere yet. But she explained to me that there was a new sister in our ward who had moved in down the street from me. She was married with two kids, and she was a relatively recent convert to our church. Vera said she had prayed about the best person to pair with this new sister who could be a friend and help "anchor" her in her new ward.
The answer she got was my name.
I didn't meet Kristi until a month later, after K was born. I honestly have no idea what her impression of me was at that time. For me, the memory is pretty hazy-- I was sleep deprived and there were so many changes going on. But we became friends, not just partners, pretty quickly.
It was a miracle in the making. One of the great blessings in my life. There was no way to know it at the time but the RS president's prayer led to me gaining one of my best friends.
Kristi and I have now been visiting teaching companions for nearly 9 years straight! (For those of you who are LDS, you will recognize how unusual this is!!!) We have also been through thick and thin together. Struggles with faith and struggles with finances and impossible health challenges. Desperate emergencies (I will never forget when her son Nic pounded on my door to tell me that his younger brother had broken his arm and to come quick. I raced over to find Justin's bone poking through his arm and Kristi completely in shock and unable to even decide what to do first.) Fertility treatments and pregnancies and new babies. School dilemmas and IEP's. Car troubles and house remodeling (it was Kristi's husband who helped me figure out how to do big drywall patches). Carpooling to a gazillion things. Visit after visit after visit to those we've cared about. Soooo many conversations, especially by text. (Thank heavens for texting! My phone phobia does not extend to that.) I was able to be there when Kristi and Alex were sealed in the temple to each other and to their kids. And it is Kristi who is constantly cheering me on about my books and encouraging me to have confidence in it-- she takes it seriously, which is a tremendous blessing for a writer who is always doubting herself.
In short, Kristi is one of the great gifts in my life. All because a Relief Society President followed a prompting that didn't make much sense at the time. At least not to me, with my short-sighted view.
Now Kristi is a brand new RS president herself. And she just may have the opportunity to instigate such a miracle in someone else's life. I hope so.
Next week I'll blog about another of the great blessings that came from this complicated pregnancy: major changes in my physical health!
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