Easter Hope

 

It's been a challenging month around here.  A little voice inside my head was berating me for not coping as well as I thought I should when so many other people have "harder" stuff to go through.  But then I got a strong reminder during General Conference for church that I need to stop comparing myself to others, even in situations like this.  The reality is-- I've been hurting, and it's been hard. Period.

I'm frustrated because part of me would like to unburden myself and share (now that the ability to write anything at all has returned to a degree) but it's not exactly my story to share.  Well, it is and it isn't. That's how motherhood works. Two sides to the relationship, two sides to the story. Let's just say, our family has been engaged in a battle to save the life of one of the kids. Mental illness sucks. And getting the help you need is difficult and confusing and expensive and sometimes infuriating.  But today we got to see some light at the end of the tunnel.  I think we've turned a corner, and I think it's going to be OK.  Maybe a lifelong war still ahead, but this individual battle-- I think we're going to win.  And what a relief it is!

I've never been alone, even when I've felt alone.  Of course I've had Terence, but my husband-- awesome and solid and dependable as he is-- isn't enough.

Jesus Christ is enough.  He's been there for me when I've cried so hard I thought I was going to lose my mind.  When even running did nothing but cause panic attacks.  When even Terence's arms were not enough to soothe the heartbreak. Sometimes I've scrabbled and wondered, "Where is the peace He promised?" But it's always been there in the end.

To those of my close friends and family who have reached out to offer love and support, thank you so much-- from the very bottom of my heart.  You have been angels sent to lift us and help us carry on.

I celebrate Easter because He lives-- and because Jesus Christ lives, no matter how dark the present, there is hope for the future.  I know it.