Seven Months

 Seven months ago I was just beginning to get an inkling of how drastic my life was going to change this year.  It was the week we learned spring break would be extended "one extra week to flatten the curve."  I remember at the time being more concerned about the difficulty in getting toilet paper and basic baking supplies.  Church had already moved to "at home only" but I shrugged at that at the time.  It was a nice break to have a little family service instead.  We could still take the sacrament (in fact, it gave J a wealth of opportunities to bless the sacrament and serve it to his family, with no pressure like in a ward setting).  I was not scared of the virus (full disclosure, I still am not) and so we had a couple of fun experiences right there before the full shutdown (going to the nearly empty zoo, visiting the Renaissance Festival the last day it was open, going to get new glasses in an entirely deserted mall).  Now I kind of wish we'd done a few more things that week-- the movies, Sweet Tomatoes (aka Souplantation), maybe Disneyland (hah, Terence would have loved me dashing off to California like that) while we still had the chance.  (My sister Amy, lucky dog, managed to get in Disney World just before it closed.  Before all the rules.  Before masks and distancing and plexiglass everywhere.)

I still miss my old life.  Seven months of grieving and anger and I'm still not "used to it."  I wonder if I ever will be.

But life does go on.  Lurching and staggering forward, sometimes, but it does go on.  At least for our immediate family, for which I am extremely grateful.  It has been a long drawn-out battle.  A battle against depression, for me and B.  A fight to keep us both from giving up.  Occasionally a fight to keep us both alive.  

It's been exhausting.

There are high points.  I enjoyed taking M up to college and getting her settled.  She has been doing as well as can be, even though she got quarantined for ten days only four days after we left (a roommate tested positive for covid).  But she survived being stuck in her apartment-- aren't we glad we took her shopping before we left though!  I miss her but it's not as hard as I thought it would be-- we message each other every day and we have a family zoom meeting with her every Sunday, so I guess I have a regular fix!

J is doing great in school-- really the only one whose education has not been thrown into chaos this year, since he was already doing online school and just keeps trekking on with it.  He is acing his first college math class too, though he grumbled a lot about not getting a fall break.  I finally bit the bullet and paid for him to get driving lessons.  I just wasn't getting him any closer to getting his license.  I think he's about ready now though.  One more lesson to go.

B, like I mentioned before, is having one of the harder years of her life.  Starting high school during covid has been brutal.  Especially starting an out-of-district high school, a very large one compared to her small charter junior high.  I was worried about the transition even before covid.  She is back to school in person, and handling the masks and the rules ok.  But it has not been easy.  She joined the fall basketball clinic and has some hope of making the freshman team (assuming they are able to play).  She is making friends at school at least-- although pause to consider for a moment just how strange it is to make friends in a new high school when you can't see anyone's face or hear their voice well.  Yeah.  It's weird.

What about K?  He's doing all right, better now that he and S are back in school in person too.  Masks are very hard for him-- and he has a teacher who is quite scared of covid so not much relaxing on that front in the classroom-- but other than that, he has done so much better now that he can see his friends again.  He's hit a growth spurt (sorry, M, but I think he may be taller than you before you come home for Christmas) and starting to look more like a young man than a boy.  Still loves to make people laugh, and still a huge fan of video games.  (That's been K ever since preschool!)

As for S, she is still the absolute sunshine of the family.  She loves, loves, loves being back in school in person.  Masks?  Who cares, says she.  No big deal, as long as I can see my friends!  She loves her teacher-- says her teacher is her most favorite ever (which is saying something, because every year she loves her teacher).  She's ecstatic to have her Texas cousins living nearby again, thrilled that Halloween is coming up, excited that we'll get to spend Christmas Eve with the former California cousins in Prescott.  Bring it up, and S's eyes will light up and she will get enthusiastic.  The only thing that dampens her mood is that her sister dared to leave home for college (even though S claimed M's bed right away, she would give it up in a heartbeat to get her sister back).  Awwww.

Terence has been my rock.  Truly.  I wouldn't have survived this year if it wasn't for him.  He has been my lifeline, the one holding on tightly when I'm ready to let go, the one who has shouldered a very heavy load for us all.  It has not been an easy year to be a cop-- or a member of a bishopric at church!  I'm so blessed to have him.

Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure the next few months are going to continue to be rocky, 2020-style.  I'm steering clear of much of social media-- I would anyway during an election year, but this has been worse than usual-- but I still can't avoid everything.  Fingers crossed though that we can stay in school, B gets to play basketball, and there are no more "mostly peaceful" protests in the state this year!