Sunshine Through the Clouds

 My blog has been slowly petering out (again) but I haven't given up on it yet.  Mostly I think it's just that I'm tired of social media-- I still want to know what's going on with my loved ones, but I don't want to be immersed in it all the time.  And I'm fairly wary of facebook, quite frankly, so I just don't see any need to post my life there anymore.  

There's also the dilemma that so much of my posting has revolved around my kids-- since yes, my life revolves around my kids-- and as they get older I'm reluctant to share more than they would want to post themselves.  Since none of my older kids are social media attention seekers that restrains me quite a bit more than previously.  When I started this blog M was only six years old, and K and S weren't even born.  It's relatively easy to share all the antics of young kids (especially when those antics are just plain entertaining).  But with teenagers and young adults-- well, things are more complicated and the experiences I share with them are far too personal to just blare out onto the internet, especially when they would rather not share.

What can I share about life lately?  Well, the more we come out of the pandemic the cheerier I am.  I can shop at Walmart and get a soda at QT without wearing a mask again, which means that pretty much I spend my money at those two places (well, plus Amazon, because hey, Prime delivery).  Terence and I both have one dose of the covid vaccine, plus the second dose coming up soon.  This was an interesting decision for both of us-- and I have passionate believers of close friends and family on both sides of the vaccination issue, so I'm not picking a fight with anyone, I think there are valid arguments both ways-- but in the end we both had strong spiritual impressions (independent of each other) that led us to do so.  So I'm going with it.  We have both had the same side effects (besides severe soreness in the arm that lasted a week, we also both ended up with a swollen lymph node under the arm where we got the shot, which is NOT comfortable), but we are otherwise fine.  In any case, I don't regret it-- but I'll be glad to have the second dose (and the side effects) over with.

My dad has the next reconstructive surgery coming up this week, and I am optimistic for his future.  Can I just say that the Mayo Clinic really is awesome????  They are giving my dad a chance at a pain-free future where he can eat real food again (which last November seemed like an impossible pipe dream).  There's so much plastic surgery and antibiotics and pain involved, but my dad is hanging in there like a trooper.  He's an inspiration to me!

As for the kids, short updates on each: 

• M returns to college in person next week after a semester of online only, so Terence and J are going to drive her back.  I'm the lucky one who gets to stay home this time, thank goodness.  M is doing fantastic-- she earned another half-tuition scholarship for her grades (and is applying for another that we're pretty confident she'll get), and she's on track to finish her degree in 3 years.  She is determined to do this with as little debt as possible!  (So far, so good.)  
• J is cruising through the end of his junior year, and now facing the big decisions for what to do post-high school.  I'm struggling to navigate the role of parenting/launching a high-functioning autistic young adult.  How much help is too much?  Do we make decisions for him when he seems unable to do so?  Anyway, a lot of change coming his way soon, and he doesn't want to decide about any of it.
• B finished her JV basketball season and earned the award for Most Improved Player (which I can attest, she truly is!)  I'm so proud of her-- she stuck with it, even with struggles with school and anxiety and masks (making the basketball players wear masks was just torture).  
• K is so happy to have some of a social life again.  With friends to hang out with and church activities with the other boys again he is coming out of his shell and just plain happier.  It's great to see!
• S is still sunshine and happiness and social butterfly and projects and playfulness and ATTITUDE.  Yes, the preteen drama is starting to poke through.  But it's not too bad, and generally, she is just a joy to everyone around her (well, except maybe her teacher at times, because she's one of those girls who chatters through class :) )

Terence and I celebrated twenty-one years of wedded bliss last month-- and all I can say is, our relationship gets so much better with age, in all ways.  It's not perfect (since obviously we still have A LOT of faults) but in general, we are so much better at dealing with each other's weaknesses.  He is still the one who always cheers me on, always accepts me, and always believes in me, even when I doubt myself (and there has been a ton of self-doubt lately).  I do my best to be the best support he can have behind the scenes, so he can keep juggling his fifteen balls in the air and not drop them.  So far, it works. I always have been a romantic at heart-- and I do love a good romance-- but there is something so much more wonderful in a relationship that has grown far beyond those heady infatuation days, and that's what we have managed to build.  My marriage is the only thing I'm not anxious about!  

Yes, the anxiety is still a problem for me.  The depression too, but the anxiety more so.  Eh.  I have a feeling that it might get worse before it gets better, considering that the whole big-M Menopause Adventure is still ahead of me, and the anxiety seems to be strongly linked to my hormonal cycle.  Could be worse, I guess.  (Yikes, I shouldn't even say that!!  My brain will come up with fifteen hundred ways it could be worse and spike my anxiety again.  Ugh!)

Well, that's the April update on our family-- I'll try to post again a little sooner next time!