The Longest Shortest Month

February and I have a love/hate relationship. I have never been a fan of winter, not even as a kid growing up in San Diego (where I was so very spoiled weather-wise and had no idea). And February of course is smack-dab in the heart of winter (well, at least in the northern hemisphere). But one of the best parts of February always was that it just passed so quickly!!  With Valentine's Day, Washington's birthday, Lincoln's birthday and of course a smaller number of days altogether, February had the bare minimum of onerous school days. Also the days are noticeably getting longer again, which for all of us sunlight deprived people is a great blessing. However, there's no getting around it. February is still winter. My dislike of February moved from mild to moderate once I left home for college and experienced "real" winter. Ugh, February in Provo was so cold and ugly!! Then it moved to severe once I was on my mission. I thought February in Utah was ugly? HAH! February is beyond dismal in Brooklyn. Fortunately, once I moved to Arizona (well, the Phoenix area anyway, Sanders doesn't count) February reverted to the category of mild discomfort depending on the day. The days reach the 70's as often as not, and it's beautiful without getting hot yet.

However, 2023 and 2024 ruined February again. There's something about being wrenched about by your heartstrings until you can't breathe that tends to taint a month. I'm not sorry that we've nearly reached the end of it. For those who have been waiting for an update, B is improving. It has been a very up and down month. That's the only way I can describe it. I'm very grateful for the improvement. But it's been extremely difficult to get up each day and wonder, "Will today be a good day?" Sometimes the answer is yes. Sometimes it has been emphatically no.

My anxiety, unfortunately, is hovering at all new levels of high. But as Terence reminds me, one day at a time. And so far, one day at a time we've been making it through.

There is great-- even eternal-- value in sitting with someone else who is suffering and just being there. I've done so much sitting this month-- sitting beside someone I love while they struggle, or sitting with Terence beside me as he is the support while I struggle. (The edge of the bathtub is an uncomfortable place for that but that often seems to be where Terence ends up trying to comfort me. Possibly because most days I sit there to talk to him while he is getting ready for work. Hey, it works for us.)

This February did bring us a high. J received his mission call-- as many of you know, it is common for many young women and men in our church to serve as missionaries after high school. J worked for about a year and half to save money and then went through the application process (it took five months to get through!) He will be doing a service mission-- which means he will live at home for the length of his mission (and we aren't sure yet how long it will be) and he will have a customized schedule and assignment that will work with his autism. We aren't sure yet what that will look like-- he needs to meet with his service mission leaders and develop a plan-- but other service missionaries have worked on farms, helped with community nonprofits, served in temples, and more. So we're excited to see what opportunities J has ahead of him. He is nervous but excited for this new stage of life.

For those of you who are also getting by one day at time, look for those highs. Cherish them when they come. And remember that God loves you, and He is eager to help when we reach out to Him. I have felt that over and over, usually when I'm certain I can't go on.

Even the longest months come to an end.