Unexpected Help

As a missionary I kind of lived in a news/pop culture void for 18 months. That's the way it's supposed to be, of course, and I was pretty good about keeping to the rules. Only a couple of things managed to penetrate my bubble. The first was Bill Clinton's Monica Lewinsky scandal. Fortunately, I did not learn any details, only that there was talk of an impeachment trial. The other was the movie Titanic, which at that time was reeling in the moviegoers by unheard of numbers. I actually saw parts of Titanic at a dinner appointment, where our hosts were playing a "street copy" of the movie as dinner entertainment. (It was my first view of a street copy video, which is essentially a black market version filmed in the theater and then sold on the street. The color was mostly shades of blue and gray, which was interesting. The most entertaining part was having people's heads get in the way, especially when they got up to leave the theater for some reason.)

Of course, my separation from the world was supposed to include music, but I found after only a few months that I could not live listening to only the same two church music CDs over and over. Music was a survival tactic for me-- since I cannot sleep at all when I can hear someone else breathing (let alone snoring), I slept with headphones on, using music to drown out the snores of the other sisters in my room. Watching that snatch of Titanic impelled me to buy my own copy of the soundtrack to add to my listening options.

The album includes "My Heart Will Go On," by Celine Dion, which has a line that says "You're here; there's nothing I fear." (Since it was such popular movie and the song got a lot of airtime, you probably can even sing the part.) Anyway, I used to mentally sing that part to myself quite a bit as a missionary. It became my battle cry, I guess. Yes, yes, I know it was supposed to refer to the tragic couple from Titanic, but I always pictured the Savior with that line, and it gave me the courage to face some of my missionary challenges. (I was desperately fearful a lot of the time as a missionary. No big surprise there. The big surprise was that I dared to go on a mission in the first place!)

Anyway, when I got home I used that song to bolster my courage again. During my few short weeks as a receptionist, I listened to that song every day on the way to work, just so I could rally my courage to tackle eight hours of answering the phone. (What a nightmare that was for me, with my phone phobia and all.) But that was more than a decade ago, and I had quite forgotten that I had ever used Celine Dion to remind me that I could depend on the Savior when I was frightened.

Last night I was driving home from my mom's house with all the kids in the car, and I had nearly gotten to the point where I was going to scream. It had already been a long, long day-- it started at 4am with a 50 minute run, followed by a slew of chores and errands. By our journey home, I was navigating rush hour traffic, trying to keep my exhausted body awake, and settling a never-ending debate between the kids about the topic of rabies. ("No, our dogs are not going to get rabies! That's what they get shots for." "Yes, if for some strange reason the dogs got rabies we would have to kill them." "No, B, Daddy is not going to shoot Willow with his gun if she gets rabies. Besides, she is not going to get rabies!!!!") The rabies debate had escalated to the point that all three of the kids in the back were shouting over each other in an attempt to make their own points or ask more questions.

Just when I was at the point of having a meltdown in the car, I switched the radio station and stumbled on the Titanic song, just in time to hear the "You're here; there's nothing I fear" part. And immediately, it occurred to me that God is willing to help even grouchy moms in their worst moments, and I could make it home without losing it. The ride home went better after that. Not perfectly, but better.

Just a little late afternoon miracle.