Changing My Perspective About Change
Another Sunday and another chance to blog. Life took a new turn for us today as Terence accepted a new assignment at church that will require a great deal of time and energy-- and organizational skills!-- that he's not sure he has. I'm 100% behind him, but it will definitely be an opportunity for growth and learning to do new things. He's feeling a little bit (OK, a lot) overwhelmed, but hopefully we will all settle into this and get the hang of a new routine quickly.
That's been the hardest part for me. I do so terribly with change nowadays. And this is another change.
Stupid changes. Why does life have to be so full of it? Oh yeah, because if it didn't, it wouldn't be life! Life is full of changes and challenges, messy experiences and emotions and struggles that lead to growth.
Way, way back when I was on my mission, I found myself freaking out about the future, and the possibility of things going very wrong as life went on. I think it had finally dawned on me that no matter how perfectly I tried to act or make the right choices, crap would still happen. The life might throw some major sucker punches my way. I needed to find some way to cope, to really pound it into my head that adversity is a part of this life and things don't always go perfect, but there is joy in the journey anyway. So I decided to write a story about my "future life." (I wrote a couple of stories like this, mostly because I was going slightly crazy without writing any fiction. After I had written in my journal and when I had some free time, I would work on these stories.) Anyway, apparently when I was writing the one about my fictional future, I either cursed myself or had some twinges of foresight (depending on how you want to look at it). Some "plot points" from that story:
That's been the hardest part for me. I do so terribly with change nowadays. And this is another change.
Stupid changes. Why does life have to be so full of it? Oh yeah, because if it didn't, it wouldn't be life! Life is full of changes and challenges, messy experiences and emotions and struggles that lead to growth.
Way, way back when I was on my mission, I found myself freaking out about the future, and the possibility of things going very wrong as life went on. I think it had finally dawned on me that no matter how perfectly I tried to act or make the right choices, crap would still happen. The life might throw some major sucker punches my way. I needed to find some way to cope, to really pound it into my head that adversity is a part of this life and things don't always go perfect, but there is joy in the journey anyway. So I decided to write a story about my "future life." (I wrote a couple of stories like this, mostly because I was going slightly crazy without writing any fiction. After I had written in my journal and when I had some free time, I would work on these stories.) Anyway, apparently when I was writing the one about my fictional future, I either cursed myself or had some twinges of foresight (depending on how you want to look at it). Some "plot points" from that story:
- I married a military dude and spent a lot of time running things by myself. (Terence isn't military, but being married to a cop has a lot of similarities to it.)
- I lost my first baby. (With four miscarriages, it wasn't exactly the same, but I have experienced a similar type of crushing grief.)
- I had a large family (six living, in the story), a mix of both girls & boys.
- The youngest in the family was a surprise. (Surprise! We got S!)
- I lived in Florida for a least a few years where I got to experience the joy of driving a minivan with broken a/c that I couldn't afford to fix. (OK, I have now lived the no a/c in the minivan in atrocious temps way too often.)
- I had a daughter who struggled with an eating disorder that was a long, long battle and required counseling and tears and prayers and patience (Well, a child with moderate depression will probably be a similarly long recovery/challenge, with counseling, tears, prayers, and patience involved).
Probably the part I hope is the least prophetic was that I died in a car accident when my youngest child was only 7-8 years old. (Eeek!!!! That would be way too soon, but apparently at age 22 dying in my 40's didn't seem too young.)
The point of the story of course was to try and convince myself that I didn't need to fear the future or the unknown, that there would be joy as well as challenges, and that suffering would probably be part of the picture but it wouldn't be the whole picture.
Now that I'm in the middle of that "future journey" I need to get the same ideas in my head! Change is part of the game, so is adversity, but it doesn't mean that I won't experience joy and love!
Go forward and be not afraid!!!
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