Heartbeats
It's been a tough week around here.
A tough work week for Terence-- more fatal accidents at work. (Honestly, people, twisting roads in canyons that have posted speed limits of 15 mph???? Obey the speed limit! It's low for a reason!)
But most of all a tough week for one particular child in our family, that translated into a tough week for the rest of us. I won't give out too many details, because that would freak this kid of ours out to have such personal stuff out in public. But when you learn that one of your children has become so depressed they considered hurting themselves, and has gone so far as to try to do something along those lines, everything changes in a heartbeat.
Now, I will be the first to say that it could have been much worse. We are not in an active crisis situation at the moment. But the only reason I learned about it at all was because I was having a one-on-one conversation with this child and said, "Hey, I worry about you. If you ever have thoughts in the future about being worthless and wanting to end your life, please talk to me." What I learned was that the vague fear I'd had about the future was already here.
It is horrible to sit and listen to your beautiful, bright, wonderful child, who has been the light of your life, tell you that they feel stupid, ugly, worthless, and that they have felt in the past they don't deserve to live. But, as my friend Kristi reassured me (and Terence also, when I was berating myself for not seeing the seriousness of the situation sooner-- or fixing it, I'm the mom, how could I let this happen?) at least this child felt loved and secure enough to tell me the truth when I asked. Now we are in the process of seeking the best kind of help for this particular situation (which is a whole 'nother mess) but we know there is a problem and we can DO something to try to help.
Please, please talk to your kids. Even your younger ones. There is so much despair, so much negativity, and it affects our loved ones. And some of us are more sensitive to it than others.
Keep us in your thoughts and prayers. I have a feeling we have a long road ahead. But I'm hopeful that we will find peace and some solutions. I know we're not alone in this. None of us are, if we just reach out and ask for help.
A tough work week for Terence-- more fatal accidents at work. (Honestly, people, twisting roads in canyons that have posted speed limits of 15 mph???? Obey the speed limit! It's low for a reason!)
But most of all a tough week for one particular child in our family, that translated into a tough week for the rest of us. I won't give out too many details, because that would freak this kid of ours out to have such personal stuff out in public. But when you learn that one of your children has become so depressed they considered hurting themselves, and has gone so far as to try to do something along those lines, everything changes in a heartbeat.
Now, I will be the first to say that it could have been much worse. We are not in an active crisis situation at the moment. But the only reason I learned about it at all was because I was having a one-on-one conversation with this child and said, "Hey, I worry about you. If you ever have thoughts in the future about being worthless and wanting to end your life, please talk to me." What I learned was that the vague fear I'd had about the future was already here.
It is horrible to sit and listen to your beautiful, bright, wonderful child, who has been the light of your life, tell you that they feel stupid, ugly, worthless, and that they have felt in the past they don't deserve to live. But, as my friend Kristi reassured me (and Terence also, when I was berating myself for not seeing the seriousness of the situation sooner-- or fixing it, I'm the mom, how could I let this happen?) at least this child felt loved and secure enough to tell me the truth when I asked. Now we are in the process of seeking the best kind of help for this particular situation (which is a whole 'nother mess) but we know there is a problem and we can DO something to try to help.
Please, please talk to your kids. Even your younger ones. There is so much despair, so much negativity, and it affects our loved ones. And some of us are more sensitive to it than others.
Keep us in your thoughts and prayers. I have a feeling we have a long road ahead. But I'm hopeful that we will find peace and some solutions. I know we're not alone in this. None of us are, if we just reach out and ask for help.
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