Go Away, 2018. Come Again Some Other Day
My post-Christmas blues don't normally hit me before New Year's Day but this year has been so different. This hasn't been the easiest December by far, and I kind of missed the whole fun of Christmas Day altogether. (I ended up with the stomach flu as my early Christmas morning present. It was lovely. At least I was the only one.) It's not my birthday bringing me down-- I'm still here and I'm healthy, so what's another year? Though I am definitely NOT turning 98, as S guessed this morning.
Anyway, generally I write an optimistic New Year's post about goals and resolutions, or at least about things I am looking forward to during the coming year. And those words just won't come this time. I try to think what might be around the bend, and my stomach clenches in fear. What might be coming down the pipes in a week or two, or a month or two? I know that there will be both good and bad in the coming year, but right now all the fear of things seriously going wrong is clouding my mind.
I don't want to make goals I'll just fail at. (Seriously, what resolutions have I ever kept?)
I don't want to waste my time focusing on trivial stuff. (I could make a goal to beat Breath of the Wild again, but honestly, isn't there more important stuff I should be doing?)
I don't want to jinx myself or anyone in my family with a horrible disaster by taking a cavalier attitude towards any adversity that may be in the cards for 2018. (So why not "worry" about "jinxing" my family with some great blessings? *sigh* My brain doesn't work that way.)
And I just think of the coming week and realize that the kids go back to school and I have a race next Saturday and I have a brand new laptop to work on finishing up book #5 . . . and I just get tired instead of excited thinking about it.
This is temporary. I keep telling myself all these feelings will pass. So I will go blow out some candles and open some presents tonight, enjoy an ice cream cake, and maybe stay up to watch the new year roll in, even if I don't do it enthusiastically.
And then tomorrow morning I will get up and push forward into 2018. The only way is to meet it head on. Come what may.
Anyway, generally I write an optimistic New Year's post about goals and resolutions, or at least about things I am looking forward to during the coming year. And those words just won't come this time. I try to think what might be around the bend, and my stomach clenches in fear. What might be coming down the pipes in a week or two, or a month or two? I know that there will be both good and bad in the coming year, but right now all the fear of things seriously going wrong is clouding my mind.
I don't want to make goals I'll just fail at. (Seriously, what resolutions have I ever kept?)
I don't want to waste my time focusing on trivial stuff. (I could make a goal to beat Breath of the Wild again, but honestly, isn't there more important stuff I should be doing?)
I don't want to jinx myself or anyone in my family with a horrible disaster by taking a cavalier attitude towards any adversity that may be in the cards for 2018. (So why not "worry" about "jinxing" my family with some great blessings? *sigh* My brain doesn't work that way.)
And I just think of the coming week and realize that the kids go back to school and I have a race next Saturday and I have a brand new laptop to work on finishing up book #5 . . . and I just get tired instead of excited thinking about it.
This is temporary. I keep telling myself all these feelings will pass. So I will go blow out some candles and open some presents tonight, enjoy an ice cream cake, and maybe stay up to watch the new year roll in, even if I don't do it enthusiastically.
And then tomorrow morning I will get up and push forward into 2018. The only way is to meet it head on. Come what may.
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