Losing Alex, Part 1

So now that I've gotten a little distance, I thought I'd share what happened a little over a week ago to turn everything upside down.  I wrote about my friendship with Kristi only a month ago, but even though I listed all the ups and downs and challenges we've survived together, I had no idea that an even greater test was just around the corner.  This is going to be very long, since I'm going to try and get all my experience (as much as I can remember) down.  Maybe it will help me make sense of it all.  Maybe it will help Kristi try to fill in some of the details herself.  Anyway, I will break it up into several posts, but be forewarned, this isn't my normal kind of blogging.

I never had even the slightest inkling that the day would be different than any other.  It was a Wednesday morning, and Terence had taken the day off work.  He was leaving to go on a long-planned hunting trip with my father and brothers-in-law on Thursday, and Wednesday was his day to get packed up and ready.  We decided to go to the gym together after dropping off the kids at school, mostly so we could squeeze in as much time together as possible before he left (we both get homesick for each other during trips like these).  Anyway, I had just finished my workout when I got a phone call.  Normally, given my serious dislike of phones, I don't answer my phone, especially if I'm at the gym.  But I have individual ring tones assigned to my closest family and friends, and it was Kristi's ring tone.  I knew she probably wouldn't be calling me unless she really needed something, so I answered.

Her voice was deceptively calm.  She asked if I was home, and I told her no, I was at the gym.  She asked if Terence was at home, and I said no, he was at the gym with me.  She said something like "Never mind then," and right then I knew something was wrong.  She didn't sound like herself.  So I asked her what she needed, and her next sentence stunned me.

"I think Alex had a stroke," she said.  She was still matter-of-fact.  Right then I knew she was in shock.  Alex is her husband. He has had serious health problems, some life-threatening, over the last decade but this was completely and utterly out of the blue.

"What are his symptoms?" I asked her.  She told me he wasn't responsive.  By that point I was heading to find Terence, knowing that we needed to leave the gym right away.  Kristi asked me what she should do.  Should she call 911?

"Yes!" I didn't shout.  I wanted to.  Again, I knew she had to be in shock.  "Call 911 and we're on the way."  As soon as I got off the phone I found Terence racking up an enormous amount of weight for squats.  "Can we leave?  Kristi thinks Alex had a stroke."  Terence didn't even ask any questions.  We just started grabbing all his stuff and heading for the door.  

In the car Terence drove while I texted Tiffany, another of our neighbors from across the street.  I asked if she was home and if she could run over to Kristi's.  She said she was on it.  Then Terence had me take his phone and text our Bishop.  He also had me text another friend that he knew was home to see if he could come over to assist in giving Alex a blessing when we got there.  I spent the whole drive answering texts on behalf of Terence and feeling slightly sick inside.  

When we got to the house the paramedics still hadn't arrived.  Terence dropped me off and drove to off to our house so he could grab some consecrated oil to give Alex a blessing.  I walked straight in the house and found that Kristi's next door neighbor Joel was performing CPR.  Another neighbor from across the street (who is an EMT) was talking to Tiffany and she came over to take over CPR for Joel.  They had had to move Alex from his chair to the floor, and Kristi was just standing there, watching, still in shock.  She told me that Nic was on the phone with 911.  Shortly afterwards, Terence strode into the room in first responder mode.  He started giving orders, and I moved out of the way.

The paramedics arrived shortly after Terence.  They also started CPR, as well as using a defibrillator and injections to try and get Alex's heart started.  At this point I moved into the living room, where Kristi's oldest son Nic was struggling with emotion.  He couldn't stand to see his father as he was.  Tiffany and I stayed with Nic and gave the emergency crew their space.

I honestly don't know how long this part lasted.  It felt both very short and very, very long.  I went to check on Kristi and she asked me to go upstairs to the closet and bring down a safe that held her important papers so she could retrieve Alex's living will.  When I made it back downstairs, even more people had arrived.  There were sheriff's deputies, and Mitch, another friend and fellow officer, had arrived also.

There were so many questions.  The deputies and the paramedics asked Kristi a ton of questions and she would answer, but she would also add in the most inconsequential tangents.  It made me worry even more.  I thought the shock was getting worse.  

Finally the paramedics were ready to transport Alex.  It took all the paramedics plus a deputy, plus Terence, to get Alex lifted.  At that point Kristi broke in to insist that they take Alex to a specific hospital that is farther from our house but can handle dialysis.  The paramedic told her that no, they were taking him to the nearest hospital.  She protested that they couldn't care for him there, and again, I knew that Kristi still didn't realize (or couldn't accept) how serious the situation was.  The paramedic told her that Alex was in cardiac arrest and that they had to take him to the nearest hospital.  If they got him stable they could transport him later.

I knew though.  I knew right then.  The whole time, they had never gotten Alex's heart to beat on its own.  He wasn't going to need a hospital that could perform dialysis.

But somehow, I still couldn't help hoping that I was so, so wrong.

(To be continued.)