Clammed Up

Every now and again, someone who knows how reserved I am will ask if I was as shy as M as a kid.    I always laugh and say no since M pretty much takes the cake for shyness.  (It took half the year before she voluntarily spoke to her kindergarten teacher.)  Even now, M will turn into a statue if addressed directly by an adult she is not comfortable with-- when our home teacher came by Sunday, she refused to answer his greetings or questions at all (in fact, she would look away), even though he is also her Primary teacher.

I was a shy child though, starting with adults and growing progressively shyer with other kids as I grew older.   Luckily for me, I had a sister who was only 15 months younger than me who was anything but shy.  I could usually persuade Camie to tackle the tough stuff on my behalf.  (Like if we had to do a door-to-door fundraiser for softball for example.)  I even remember bribing her with the best of my Halloween candy to make a phone call to find out about getting vaccinations for my dog.  Camie often saved my life in awkward situations-- even occasionally as a teenager when we didn't get along that well.  Once my frustrated father sent us out together telling me I couldn't come back home until I had five job applications in hand.  I did the driving, but it was Camie that went into each fast food joint or grocery store and asked for the application.  (Too bad she couldn't have interviewed on my behalf also!)

My crippling paralysis in unknown situations and with strangers was bad enough that I seriously hoped that my children would be naturally outgoing.  (I can still remember my mortifyingly bad interview for an internship with the county assessor's office.  It was so bad that he could only have given me the internship out of sheer pity-- and the fact that they were desperate for help and there weren't a lot of city planning students.) 

From a young age M was clearly going to have issues on this front also, but I had high hopes for the rest of them.  But the other day when the whole family went out to leave J's Scouting for Food flyers, I realized that J seems to be following in my footsteps.  Lately he's been talking about being shy and has been unwilling to do things he used to do without thought-- like say the blessing on the food in front of a group.  With the scouting flyers it should have been easy-- all J had to do was leave them on the door.  But occasionally someone would be home and outside, meaning J would need to personally hand them the flyer and bag and tell them that he would be collecting canned food in a couple of days.  But J could not speak with a puzzled neighbor standing there looking at him-- so B stepped in and did it for him.  (I wonder what they thought about the little girl brightly telling them all about the food drive for the cub scouts?)  It reminded me so much of me and Camie as kids that I had to laugh.  

But I worry for both of them-- J and M.  I know how hard the road ahead of them is going to be.  B should be able to handle herself just fine since she is Miss Gregarious-- the only one of my kids who gets in trouble at school for chatting.  It's too early to tell with K.  But oh, I think S may struggle too.  Just a hunch, since she buries her head in my shoulder when a stranger has the temerity to talk to her.  (You should see it when M is holding S and someone unfamiliar speaks to either of them.  They both turn their heads away, almost at the same time.  It's hilarious!)

I don't know what to do to help them.  Sometimes I don't know how I ever made it into functional adulthood.  (Looking back, it still shocks me that I had the courage to leave home and go to college in Utah.  I probably would have had a nervous breakdown the first week except that my roommate was my best friend from high school.  I tackled all the new people with her by my side.)  Honestly, the only thing that drastically helped me was when I went on my mission.  Then I had to sink or swim in an environment where shyness wasn't an option.  Nowadays I wouldn't exactly call myself shy, though I would certainly never describe myself as outgoing.  

But what can I do to help my kids before they get to that stage?  Already I think of M trying to tackle a high school full of strangers and my heart aches for her.  Any suggestions?