Remembering
Last week, my maternal grandpa died at the age of 94. I made a whirlwind trip up to Utah for the funeral, leaving Terence to juggle life as a single parent for a few days. It was a nice break-- the funeral wasn't too depressing, since Grandpa had chosen to forgo any intervention for his latest health issues and had made it clear that he was ready to move on. It was hardest for my grandma, of course. They had been married 70 years, and she's not quite sure what to do with herself alone yet. For my part, I enjoyed chatting with cousins I haven't seen in years and hearing stories about my grandpa that were new to me. (Like the one about him paying his dental bill with dehydrated fruit!)
Funerals always inspire contemplation, of course. I did a fair amount of wondering about myself. What do I want my legacy to my family and friends to be? What do I want my children to remember about me? Will I die true to my core central values? (Some of my musings were more prosaic-- what do I want on my grave marker? Should I buy it ahead of time and put all my family's names on it like my grandparents did?)
I didn't come up with a bunch of answers. Except that I hope to have the kind of relationship with my children so that they can come up with at least a couple of nice things to say in my eulogy, I guess. As for prosaic musings, I will not choose the song "There Will Never Be Another You" for my funeral program. Except that I am probably not going to be planning my own program, right? My grandpa would never have chosen that song! It was all Grandma. The song put my poor mom in stitches while she was trying to rehearse:
"There will be many other nights like this,
And I'll be standing here with someone new,
There will be other songs to sing, another fall, another spring,
But there will never be another you.
There will be other lips that I may kiss,
But they won't thrill me like yours used to do"
I was sitting there the evening before the funeral listening to my mom and her siblings rehearse this song and giggling at the image of my 90 year old grandma kissing other lips and going out dancing with someone new. Honestly, I don't think my grandma looked beyond the title. But though a very unconventional music choice for a funeral, it obviously meant something special to my grandma. She wept through the whole musical number. When I hugged her as it was over, she whispered to me, "Now wasn't that just the prettiest song?"
Oh, Grandma! I think she was reliving all her days as a graceful beauty with her handsome young man. I'll think of you young forever now, Grandpa! Till we meet again on the other side!
Funerals always inspire contemplation, of course. I did a fair amount of wondering about myself. What do I want my legacy to my family and friends to be? What do I want my children to remember about me? Will I die true to my core central values? (Some of my musings were more prosaic-- what do I want on my grave marker? Should I buy it ahead of time and put all my family's names on it like my grandparents did?)
I didn't come up with a bunch of answers. Except that I hope to have the kind of relationship with my children so that they can come up with at least a couple of nice things to say in my eulogy, I guess. As for prosaic musings, I will not choose the song "There Will Never Be Another You" for my funeral program. Except that I am probably not going to be planning my own program, right? My grandpa would never have chosen that song! It was all Grandma. The song put my poor mom in stitches while she was trying to rehearse:
"There will be many other nights like this,
And I'll be standing here with someone new,
There will be other songs to sing, another fall, another spring,
But there will never be another you.
There will be other lips that I may kiss,
But they won't thrill me like yours used to do"
I was sitting there the evening before the funeral listening to my mom and her siblings rehearse this song and giggling at the image of my 90 year old grandma kissing other lips and going out dancing with someone new. Honestly, I don't think my grandma looked beyond the title. But though a very unconventional music choice for a funeral, it obviously meant something special to my grandma. She wept through the whole musical number. When I hugged her as it was over, she whispered to me, "Now wasn't that just the prettiest song?"
Oh, Grandma! I think she was reliving all her days as a graceful beauty with her handsome young man. I'll think of you young forever now, Grandpa! Till we meet again on the other side!
 |
| My grandpa right out of high school |
Comments
Funerals are hard, but I am glad you had enjoyed your trip visiting with family and kid free.