Burnt

Burn, burning, burned, burnout.

That's about my state right now.

Burned out, big time.

I know, part of it is the time of day.  (It's 7:00 here in the land of no-daylight-savings-change, which might as well be midnight as far as I'm concerned.)  Generally, I'll feel better in the morning-- nothing like a good night's sleep to recharge the batteries.  (I'm cheating and trying to do it with a diet mountain dew right now.  A terrible choice, but I still have several hours to go tonight.)  Anyway, the reason my burnt-sienna despair bothers me so much right now is because it's a Wednesday evening.  Wednesdays are my easiest weekday.  In fact, today was especially low-key, with nothing but the normal stuff plus a library trip on the docket.  I had a blissful two hours of Terence's company this morning.  It was glorious!  It was restful!  It was . . . not enough to help me catch my second wind.  And now I have a Thursday ahead of me, and let's be honest, Thursdays suck.  Worse than Tuesdays, and that's saying something.

Maybe it's just the cumulative effect of too much anxiety for too long.  But so many things seem too hard.  I still push through it.  (You better believe I still drag my rear end to the gym.)  However, capturing the joy in my life is hard.  

Then again, no one ever said life-- or even finding joy-- would be easy.  Most worthwhile things take time and effort.  The problem is that I can't muster up any enthusiasm for the struggle.  I'm not depressed, but depression is singing its siren call in my head, and I'm losing the will to fight against it.

I need a second wind.  I need it desperately.  Unfortunately, I don't think I can order a second wind from Amazon.

I'll press through it.  Slog through it.  Crawl through it, if I have to.  I won't give up.