Love and Loss
My grandmother passed away on Friday. It wasn't a surprise; she was 92 years old and her health had been failing for awhile. My grandfather passed away back in 2014, and she had a hard time without him. And her poor body just wasn't up to the task either. Getting old sucks.
Anyway, I'm not sad for my grandma. I believe she is happy and well and whole and enjoying rekindling her relationships with all her family and friends who had gone before her. But I'm feeling the loss pretty strongly. I miss her already. There's something about it being right before Christmas that makes it feel even more bittersweet. Maybe some of it is that she was the last of my living grandparents. There's something extra empty when your grandparents are all gone. (I hurt for my mom, too. She just lost her mother, and I can't imagine that is easy.)
There have been some good things about the timing. The funeral is going to be right before New Year's, and Terence is miraculously on vacation this Christmas break. (It was mandatory. His vacation hours had gotten too high.) Even more miraculously, his sergeant made an exception to the "No Officer Gets New Year's Eve Off" rule and allowed Terence to switch for New Year's Day so that he can come up with us. Otherwise I would have been driving up to Utah for the funeral by myself with all the kids. Not a fun thing. It is NOT a short drive, and you just never know how much longer it might end up during the winter . . . .
I'm looking forward to seeing my aunts and uncles and cousins. I know I'm going to hear stories about Grandma that I never had before. This time I plan to come home and write them down so I don't forget (wish I had done that after my other grandparents' funerals). I'll get to tell some of my favorite stories too-- both funny and "bad" and wonderful. Like when I made Grandma cry because I was so excited to get my ears pierced when I turned 8. Like when Grandma was so appalled to find out what I was surviving on in college (um, white rice with chicken bouillon for nearly every meal-- it was cheap) that she called up my mom and got on her case about her "starving" granddaughter. Like when Grandma was horrified that I was marrying someone black-- enough to try to convince my mom to stop my wedding-- but then came to love Terence when she got to know him. Like how she always came for all the important milestone events she could-- my baptism, my mission homecoming, my wedding. How she loved to cuddle all my babies and talk to them in the sweetest voice. How even when she could no longer remember my name, she enthusiastically wanted to know about my family and all my children.
Love you, Grandma. Til we meet again!
Anyway, I'm not sad for my grandma. I believe she is happy and well and whole and enjoying rekindling her relationships with all her family and friends who had gone before her. But I'm feeling the loss pretty strongly. I miss her already. There's something about it being right before Christmas that makes it feel even more bittersweet. Maybe some of it is that she was the last of my living grandparents. There's something extra empty when your grandparents are all gone. (I hurt for my mom, too. She just lost her mother, and I can't imagine that is easy.)
There have been some good things about the timing. The funeral is going to be right before New Year's, and Terence is miraculously on vacation this Christmas break. (It was mandatory. His vacation hours had gotten too high.) Even more miraculously, his sergeant made an exception to the "No Officer Gets New Year's Eve Off" rule and allowed Terence to switch for New Year's Day so that he can come up with us. Otherwise I would have been driving up to Utah for the funeral by myself with all the kids. Not a fun thing. It is NOT a short drive, and you just never know how much longer it might end up during the winter . . . .
I'm looking forward to seeing my aunts and uncles and cousins. I know I'm going to hear stories about Grandma that I never had before. This time I plan to come home and write them down so I don't forget (wish I had done that after my other grandparents' funerals). I'll get to tell some of my favorite stories too-- both funny and "bad" and wonderful. Like when I made Grandma cry because I was so excited to get my ears pierced when I turned 8. Like when Grandma was so appalled to find out what I was surviving on in college (um, white rice with chicken bouillon for nearly every meal-- it was cheap) that she called up my mom and got on her case about her "starving" granddaughter. Like when Grandma was horrified that I was marrying someone black-- enough to try to convince my mom to stop my wedding-- but then came to love Terence when she got to know him. Like how she always came for all the important milestone events she could-- my baptism, my mission homecoming, my wedding. How she loved to cuddle all my babies and talk to them in the sweetest voice. How even when she could no longer remember my name, she enthusiastically wanted to know about my family and all my children.
Love you, Grandma. Til we meet again!
 |
| We received this Christmas card just yesterday. She was beautiful right up to the end, inside and out! |
Comments