Dreams of Making a Difference

So hey, we are all over the place when it comes to whether or not we dreamed of staying home with our kids.

(Yes, I'm finally getting around to commenting on my poll.)

As a young girl, I assumed that one day I'd be a working mom. After all, my mom worked, and you pretty much figure that you'll grow up to be like your parents (at least before you're a teenager and you become determined to never be like your parents). By the time I was in high school, I'd actually gotten pretty snooty about it. I was one of the "smart girls;" staying home with kids was only for the women who weren't gifted enough to take on something more challenging.

(Before any one bristles at that, let me remind you that I am currently a stay-at-home mom by choice!)

I was a product of my environment, I think. All around me, in school and sometimes even in church I heard the message over and over that we girls should make something of our lives, choose an important career and become successful in it. I'm sure it was the ongoing tide of feminism. Don't get me wrong-- I completely believe that women should be able to tackle any dream that they want to, and that we women are just as smart, talented, and capable as men. I also believe that equality in the workplace is a very important, desirable goal.

But.

Why, in the quest of so much equality, did we decide to relegate stay-at-home mom to the status of mere day laborer? A job that no talented woman would waste her time on when she could be somewhere else making a difference in the world? Why did the message have to go out that only women who have a glowing resume full of awards or high-powered job titles are accomplishing something that they can be proud of?

Don't think that message is out there? Well, if you grew up in an environment where the contribution of stay-at-home moms was valued and praised, count yourself lucky. Even my own mother told me once that she was glad to have her career-- it made her feel good about herself.

Obviously I had a change of heart somewhere along the line. I truly feel that it's important that I am the one to raise my children, rather than sticking them in daycare. Fortunately, circumstances (along with some great sacrifices on the part of our whole family) have allowed me to be at home with my kids ever since M was born. But then why do I feel sometimes like I'm worth less as a stay-at-home mom? I can't even read my BYU alumni magazine much anymore; there are too many articles and blips about women who graduated about the same time as me who are directors of foundations or a partners in their law firms or winners of some award or another for some grand achievement. My freshman year roommate is a CPA for some fancy investment firm, as well as a mother of twin boys.

And I'm just Heidi, the stay-at-home mom.

Those pesky demons in my head. I know I'm making a huge difference in the world by making a difference in my children's lives. Plus, no one could accuse me of being a bon-bon eating, soap-opera watching, lazy woman who selfishly spends all the money her husband works hard to earn. (No one except that obnoxious voice in my head.)