Heidi's Guide to Getting Out of a Ticket

Have you had a problem with getting traffic tickets? Do you always seem to be the one in the crowd who gets pulled over? Are you facing a raise in your insurance rates because you are a pro at accumulating points on your driving record?

Never fear, I am here to help! For just fifteen installments of $19.95 (plus $29.95 shipping and handling) I will send you my failproof method of how to get out of every single traffic ticket you receive!

Who wants to be first to order????

No one?

OK, I'll be a little more serious. I do have a pretty good track record of avoiding traffic tickets, and I've picked up some good advice during my seven years of being married to a highway patrolman and frequenting cop social occasions. They will not get you out of every ticket, but they can make it better the next time you see those lights flashing in your rearview mirror.

Here goes:

1. Obey the Traffic Laws-- This may seem like a no-brainer, but seriously, if you habitually drive 15 miles over the speed limit, roll through all your stop signs, and regularly run red lights, you are going to get a ticket every so often. No matter how good you are at batting your eyelashes, or sobbing your heart out in contrition, or arguing your side in court, sometimes you will get nailed. Simple law of averages.

2. If You KNOW the Cop is Going to Pull You Over, Do It Early-- This has saved me a couple of times. In both cases I had blatantly broken a traffic law right in front of an officer. As soon as I saw them make their u-turns, I knew they were coming after me. Without waiting for them to turn on the lights and sirens, I pulled over to the side to wait for them. This actually made a great impression in both cases, which made them much more lenient with me.

3. Pull Over Somewhere Safe-- This is related to number 2. If you start to look right away, you can find a safer place to pull over. This is important for both you and the officer. Idiots run into cars on the side of the road all the time. Trust me, the officers get hugely irritated when you choose to pull over somewhere where there is no shoulder and you are half in the lane. Also, if you are on the freeway, always pull off to the RIGHT, even if you were originally travelling in the fast lane. Nothing will exasperate an officer faster than having a traffic stop in the middle of the freeway, where it is super dangerous to try and pull back out into traffic. And you really want the officer to be in the best mood possible. Not cursing you out before he walks up to your car.

4. Admit What You've Done Wrong-- This is the opposite advice of what you'll hear from many people when it comes to getting out of a ticket. They insist that if you admit what you were doing, the officer can bring that up in court (which is true). But on the other hand, when the officer asks you if you know what he pulled you over for, and you say frankly (though sheepishly), "Yes, I made an illegal u-turn back there," he is way more likely to work with you in any way he can. Officers don't like being lied to over and over. It's a breath of fresh air to them to hear people admit the obvious instead of denying it. Besides, it is always a good thing to be a person of integrity. I firmly stand by that, even if it means you have to own up and accept a ticket you deserve. (Now on the other hand, if you honestly don't know what you did, feel free to say that too! As long as it's true.)

5. Treat the Officer with Respect-- Most officers are just trying to do their job. They are not trying to ruin your day. Even if you get one of the rare obnoxious, arrogant cops, respect is still the best course of action. (Unless you would prefer to get two or three citations instead of one. Or even worse, get arrested for disorderly conduct or something.)

6. Don't Argue With the Officer-- This goes along with number five. Even if you are one hundred percent certain that you were not speeding and the cop made a mistake, arguing with her on the side of the road will get you nowhere. Take your argument to court, which is the proper place to declare your innocence. Remember, a ticket is not an automatic conviction. You still have the right to argue your case in court.

7. Accept the Breaks You Get-- Most cops have a variety of ways they can make things easier for you. They can let you off with a verbal warning (of which I have received several), they can give you a written warning (I've gotten one of those), or they can write you for a lesser citation, one that has smaller penalties. Terence does this one for people-- he will drop the speed on the ticket so he can issue a ticket that has only a fine and no points attached. Recognize when the officer is giving you a break and be grateful!!! Once Terence wrote a man a citation with a lower speed than what he had gotten the guy on radar for. The man was not satisfied with this and took it to court anyway. The judge, after hearing both sides of the case, reinstated the original speed and made the guy take the points and a higher fine. Sometimes it's just better to quit when you're ahead.

Well, that's the best I have to offer. It may seem simple and naive, but I've found that this philosophy has allowed me to still be true to my own values while also getting cut some slack for my own idiotic driving mistakes. (Let's be honest, we all make them.) In my 19 years as a driver I have been pulled over six times: once by Terence (that doesn't count, I think he just wanted to harass me), four times where I got off without a ticket, and only once (when I was 17) did I get written a citation-- and I don't rant about how unfair it was because after all, I was speeding. We can't always escape the consequences of our choices, can we?