The Talk

Yesterday we had the "Big Talk" with M.  You know, that one, the one every parent dreads.  Who feels comfortable explaining to their kids about sex?  Yet somebody's got to do it, right?

I was surprised when I asked around for the opinions of other parents with older kids how many had just not talked about this at all with their kids.  Or they'd waited so long to bring it up that their kids told them they "already knew everything."  (What's "everything?"  There's a lot included in that!)  I wanted to be the one giving my kids the low down, especially since there is no kind of sex ed or maturation class at my kids' charter school.  I've already been pretty up front with all my kids about how pregnancy goes and how babies develop and are born, but I'd never explained exactly how the daddy's sperm gets into the picture.

Just by chance I came across a blog post from a mom who had found a great book to help her with this very dilemma.  A while back I ordered it and I was very impressed with their ideas (and dialogues) for broaching these very important but sensitive topics.

When it comes to the "Big Talk" they suggest you have it at 8 years old.  Now that may seem pretty young, but have you noticed just how prevalent sex is in the media and all around?  It's quite possible that your kids are going to be hearing about or seeing things about it starting at a pretty young age.  The Eyres suggest that you want to preempt any other sources of information (which means you want to get there first)!  Terence and I have no illusions about how young this stuff can show up.  I was hearing friends talking about "doing it" by sixth grade, and by the time Terence was 12, he was one of the few out of his group of friends who was still a virgin.  Yes, at age 12.  (Apparently there is nothing better to do in small towns in Mississippi.)

Anyway, I was on board about following the Eyres' guidelines from the first, but one of their suggestions is to have Mom and Dad meet together with the child to have the discussion.  That was the trick for us.  Having some time when it could be just Terence and I with M was difficult to schedule.

We finally got it worked out and took her out for a "special meeting" yesterday.  She chose to get frozen yogurt from Ocean Blue (even though it was freezing outside) and we sat in the car and gave her a book to read that tells in very accurate detail (without being disgusting) about where babies come from.

Most of this stuff M knew already (like I said, I've been upfront about pregnancy already) but the act of conceiving a baby was the new part.  We had a good conversation about it, and I hope she'll come to us when she has any questions or when she starts to hear people talking about it.  Since M is a little past the 8 year old goal, we also went over puberty and what to expect in that department.  I really think it was helpful to have both Terence and I explaining stuff to her.  Hopefully, she got the idea that your body developing is something to look forward to instead of fear, and that sex is a very special gift is worth waiting for (we strongly emphasized the waiting until marriage part).  The Eyres' book has topics for us to continue to discuss as she gets older, so I think we did a good job of setting the stage for it.

I was still nervous though!  And I have tried really hard to not be squeamish about things like this when talking to my kids.  We plan to have the same talk with J in just a couple of months (hopefully before he turns 9) and next time, I hope I'm just a little less nervous.  Practice makes perfect, right?  By the time we get to S, I should have this down!