Daring to Tie the Knot
To marry, or not to marry, that is the question.
Oh, not my question. I've already been there, done that. My decision was made approximately 14 years ago, and the follow through came about eight months later. But recently I read an article (I linked to it from one of my LDS Living emails, sorry I can't provide the link here) where they were speculating a bit about why LDS young adults might be getting married later.
(Here a bit of an explanation for any of my readers who are not familiar with Mormon culture: getting married and having families is one area that the church considers more of a commandment than a suggestion-- it is one of the central focuses of Mormon life. Hence, there is a bit of concern when it seems that young adults are less likely to get married and start a family.)
The article on the issue was standard; they interviewed about two young single adults and a few family science professors and extrapolated from that limited pool of research reasons like the economy being bad and marriage happening later among young American adults generally (if at all). The comments were hilarious though. It kind of turned into a sniping contest. Men were saying it was all the women's fault, since they just like playing games and being superficial and only want a guy who looks like a model and can provide a seriously upscale standard of living. Women were saying that the guys aren't stepping up, that they aren't bothering to ask the girls out in the first place, and when they do, all they care about is looks. Parents got into the fray talking about the same kinds of things (depending on whether they had sons or daughters they were defending). There was also a worrisome amount of people who were critical of President Monson for daring to suggest during this last General Conference that the young men should make getting married a higher priority in their lives. (We won't go into that can of worms here though.)
My take on all the explanations? Most of them don't fly with me. The economy is bad so people aren't getting married-- really? So the economy was spectacular in the 70's? Or in the Great Depression? People still got married. In fact, for most young married couples, their financial situation stinks no matter what the economy is like for everyone else. They are just getting started after all. Boys only care about looks-- really? Is that NEW? What planet are you from? Girls can play games-- uh huh, earth shattering. Girls considering financial standing in a potential mate-- has anyone read Jane Austen lately? This stuff is not new. Guys have always asked out gals with some reference to looks, and many girls tend to get into stringing along guys (whether because they just like the attention or they don't want to hurt feelings). Nothing new here. It didn't stop people from getting married before. Everybody else "in the world" is waiting to get married? Well, that may be a related factor, but I suspect is a matter of correlation, not causation.
In my opinion (well, this is MY blog so you're stuck with my opinion) there are two major factors that lead young LDS singles to put off getting married:
1. Childhood is lasting longer and longer.
Fewer and fewer teenagers have even held a job before they graduate from high school. Shoot, many of our local kids haven't even bothered to get a driver's license. Many (probably even most) of them cannot make it through college without someone completely supporting them (either the government via school loans or their parents). College lasts 5-7 years (or longer) instead of only 2 or 4. Young adults boomerang right back into their parents' basement instead of leaving the nest and learning how to fly. Young adults with no experience making it on their own as an adult are hardly going to feel ready to take on the responsibilities of marriage.
2. We are seeing the widespread fruits of the high divorce rate.
These young adults grew up in families with unprecedented divorce rates. Many of them have come from broken homes. Everybody knows of stories of marriages that failed, even when they were "good" LDS couples. At least in my childhood, divorce was still the relatively rare exception. I saw more and more of it as I got older, but today's young adults have had this as a common factor all around them, even among LDS church members. It is enough to make anyone shy about jumping on the marriage boat. What if it sinks before you make it anywhere?
What do you think? Why are young adults getting married later (on average)? Is it even a problem?
Oh, not my question. I've already been there, done that. My decision was made approximately 14 years ago, and the follow through came about eight months later. But recently I read an article (I linked to it from one of my LDS Living emails, sorry I can't provide the link here) where they were speculating a bit about why LDS young adults might be getting married later.
(Here a bit of an explanation for any of my readers who are not familiar with Mormon culture: getting married and having families is one area that the church considers more of a commandment than a suggestion-- it is one of the central focuses of Mormon life. Hence, there is a bit of concern when it seems that young adults are less likely to get married and start a family.)
The article on the issue was standard; they interviewed about two young single adults and a few family science professors and extrapolated from that limited pool of research reasons like the economy being bad and marriage happening later among young American adults generally (if at all). The comments were hilarious though. It kind of turned into a sniping contest. Men were saying it was all the women's fault, since they just like playing games and being superficial and only want a guy who looks like a model and can provide a seriously upscale standard of living. Women were saying that the guys aren't stepping up, that they aren't bothering to ask the girls out in the first place, and when they do, all they care about is looks. Parents got into the fray talking about the same kinds of things (depending on whether they had sons or daughters they were defending). There was also a worrisome amount of people who were critical of President Monson for daring to suggest during this last General Conference that the young men should make getting married a higher priority in their lives. (We won't go into that can of worms here though.)
My take on all the explanations? Most of them don't fly with me. The economy is bad so people aren't getting married-- really? So the economy was spectacular in the 70's? Or in the Great Depression? People still got married. In fact, for most young married couples, their financial situation stinks no matter what the economy is like for everyone else. They are just getting started after all. Boys only care about looks-- really? Is that NEW? What planet are you from? Girls can play games-- uh huh, earth shattering. Girls considering financial standing in a potential mate-- has anyone read Jane Austen lately? This stuff is not new. Guys have always asked out gals with some reference to looks, and many girls tend to get into stringing along guys (whether because they just like the attention or they don't want to hurt feelings). Nothing new here. It didn't stop people from getting married before. Everybody else "in the world" is waiting to get married? Well, that may be a related factor, but I suspect is a matter of correlation, not causation.
In my opinion (well, this is MY blog so you're stuck with my opinion) there are two major factors that lead young LDS singles to put off getting married:
1. Childhood is lasting longer and longer.
Fewer and fewer teenagers have even held a job before they graduate from high school. Shoot, many of our local kids haven't even bothered to get a driver's license. Many (probably even most) of them cannot make it through college without someone completely supporting them (either the government via school loans or their parents). College lasts 5-7 years (or longer) instead of only 2 or 4. Young adults boomerang right back into their parents' basement instead of leaving the nest and learning how to fly. Young adults with no experience making it on their own as an adult are hardly going to feel ready to take on the responsibilities of marriage.
2. We are seeing the widespread fruits of the high divorce rate.
These young adults grew up in families with unprecedented divorce rates. Many of them have come from broken homes. Everybody knows of stories of marriages that failed, even when they were "good" LDS couples. At least in my childhood, divorce was still the relatively rare exception. I saw more and more of it as I got older, but today's young adults have had this as a common factor all around them, even among LDS church members. It is enough to make anyone shy about jumping on the marriage boat. What if it sinks before you make it anywhere?
What do you think? Why are young adults getting married later (on average)? Is it even a problem?
Comments
I also think the single life (especially in men) is fun and they don't want the commitment. I just read a ensign article that talked about not waiting to get married (if you can help it) basically saying don't put off marriage for anything (if you have met the right man) and you should be preparing and looking for that person to marry.