Gloom but not Doom
It's been a rough weekend around here.
Busy, crazy, unable to get on top of my chores-- but that stuff is normal. Rain, rain, and clouds galore-- that is not normal, but not unheard of at this time of year. Mild, irritating things going wrong-- life being life.
What's not normal is my mood.
I know none of this stuff is major. I know I don't have any reason to feel so gloomy. I have so many blessings in my life it should crowd out any chance to feel anything but gratitude. But I just feel drained and flat and sometimes (especially by evening) like I am the worst person ever and things aren't going to get better. Even though I know that's ridiculous.
None of this is particularly special or unusual. I've dealt with depression on occasion since I was about thirteen years old and I know that millions of other people deal with depression so much more severe that I really have nothing to complain about. I know that.
But it's not helping me feel better.
The normal things that would-- date night with Terence, going for a run, reading a fun & happy book, attending the temple-- worked for such a little time that it was almost extra discouraging. If even run endorphins leave me feeling flat, what am I going to turn to?
The thing is, it's really not serious enough to ask for help. I'm still keeping on top of everything, at least as much as I ever do, and I haven't had a really dark day. A counselor would probably raise her eyebrows and tell me something like "everybody has bad days, dear."
At least the sun is supposed to come back out tomorrow. That's got to help. Right???
I'll keep plodding along. I'm sure I won't feel like this forever.
Busy, crazy, unable to get on top of my chores-- but that stuff is normal. Rain, rain, and clouds galore-- that is not normal, but not unheard of at this time of year. Mild, irritating things going wrong-- life being life.
What's not normal is my mood.
I know none of this stuff is major. I know I don't have any reason to feel so gloomy. I have so many blessings in my life it should crowd out any chance to feel anything but gratitude. But I just feel drained and flat and sometimes (especially by evening) like I am the worst person ever and things aren't going to get better. Even though I know that's ridiculous.
None of this is particularly special or unusual. I've dealt with depression on occasion since I was about thirteen years old and I know that millions of other people deal with depression so much more severe that I really have nothing to complain about. I know that.
But it's not helping me feel better.
The normal things that would-- date night with Terence, going for a run, reading a fun & happy book, attending the temple-- worked for such a little time that it was almost extra discouraging. If even run endorphins leave me feeling flat, what am I going to turn to?
The thing is, it's really not serious enough to ask for help. I'm still keeping on top of everything, at least as much as I ever do, and I haven't had a really dark day. A counselor would probably raise her eyebrows and tell me something like "everybody has bad days, dear."
At least the sun is supposed to come back out tomorrow. That's got to help. Right???
I'll keep plodding along. I'm sure I won't feel like this forever.
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