Fighting the Good Fight
No, I'm not planning to blog about winning family arguments, political debates, playground battles, or wars between countries. (If you're looking for advice on any of those, I really can't help you. Other than the general advice of "count the cost and make sure it's worth it.")
I'm talking about fighting the depression battle.
Remember how one of my kids (who shall still remain nameless) gave us all a suicide scare back in August? We've been making visits to a counselor ever since then, at first on a weekly basis, and now we are down to every other week. At the initial visit the counselor gave my kid an evaluation for depression and anxiety. The anxiety scores were normal, which was reassuring. The depression test, however, rated this child as having moderate to severe depression. (Not really a surprise, considering what had led us to seeking a counselor in the first place.) Just before Christmas the same evaluation was done again to see if progress was being made. I was pretty sure things were much better-- at least according to the conversations we had had-- but it was such a huge relief to get the results back in the mild depression range. That is significant improvement! This is the good news!
On the more negative end of the stick-- I know that this still isn't a problem that is "solved." I don't know if it will ever BE solved, quite frankly. Not that I want to rule it out. I'd love for a miracle solution that would mean my treasured child would never struggle with this again.
But.
I'm still fighting myself.
And let's be honest, it's a FIGHT. I refuse to let it get so bad that the whole world seems impossibly bleak. But this has been the worst January I've had in a long time. The other day Terence held me (after I'd struggled to muster up any enthusiasm for anything, not hiking, not even ice cream) and he worried aloud that things were getting as bad as they were in Sanders. Of course they are not. (I'm not sure Terence believes me. I worked really, really hard in Sanders to keep him from knowing how bad it was at the time, so he probably wonders if I'm hiding it now. Just FYI to all: It is unequivocally not as bad as it was in Sanders.) I'm actively working to make things better, and that alone makes a huge difference. I thought I'd share what I am trying to do to fight back.
First though, if you are too depressed to function normally or are having any thoughts of harming yourself, bypass this list and get some help from a qualified counselor or doctor!! But for anyone else who is struggling with the blues and doesn't want to sink, here are some of my practical suggestions from the trenches:
I'm talking about fighting the depression battle.
Remember how one of my kids (who shall still remain nameless) gave us all a suicide scare back in August? We've been making visits to a counselor ever since then, at first on a weekly basis, and now we are down to every other week. At the initial visit the counselor gave my kid an evaluation for depression and anxiety. The anxiety scores were normal, which was reassuring. The depression test, however, rated this child as having moderate to severe depression. (Not really a surprise, considering what had led us to seeking a counselor in the first place.) Just before Christmas the same evaluation was done again to see if progress was being made. I was pretty sure things were much better-- at least according to the conversations we had had-- but it was such a huge relief to get the results back in the mild depression range. That is significant improvement! This is the good news!
On the more negative end of the stick-- I know that this still isn't a problem that is "solved." I don't know if it will ever BE solved, quite frankly. Not that I want to rule it out. I'd love for a miracle solution that would mean my treasured child would never struggle with this again.
But.
I'm still fighting myself.
And let's be honest, it's a FIGHT. I refuse to let it get so bad that the whole world seems impossibly bleak. But this has been the worst January I've had in a long time. The other day Terence held me (after I'd struggled to muster up any enthusiasm for anything, not hiking, not even ice cream) and he worried aloud that things were getting as bad as they were in Sanders. Of course they are not. (I'm not sure Terence believes me. I worked really, really hard in Sanders to keep him from knowing how bad it was at the time, so he probably wonders if I'm hiding it now. Just FYI to all: It is unequivocally not as bad as it was in Sanders.) I'm actively working to make things better, and that alone makes a huge difference. I thought I'd share what I am trying to do to fight back.
First though, if you are too depressed to function normally or are having any thoughts of harming yourself, bypass this list and get some help from a qualified counselor or doctor!! But for anyone else who is struggling with the blues and doesn't want to sink, here are some of my practical suggestions from the trenches:
- Argue with the negative thoughts in your head. If you pay attention, do you have an obnoxious little voice in your head telling you that you are lazy, not good enough, a terrible person, etc.? That voice needs to be challenged! Regularly! One of my persistent negative thoughts is about how lazy I am. Sometimes I will just make an actual list of everything I have done in a day to prove to my own brain that I am not lazy. It works better than you'd think.
- Get out in the sunlight. This is trickier in cold weather places, I grant you, but part of the reason January is so hard for me is because I barely see the sun. When I make an effort to get outside and soak up some rays it lifts my mood.
- Avoid depressing books, TV shows, movies, blogs-- even if they are supposed to teach a good lesson or tell a "true life" story that you could learn from. Just don't go there. Stick to light, fluffy, happy-endings-abound entertainment.
- Stay away from social media like the plague if it makes you feel worse. (Social media can be like sparks to the timber of negative comparisons in my head.)
- DO SOMETHING. ANYTHING. It works best if you are doing something that will improve your life-- decluttering your house, exercising, making dinner for someone in need, reading your kids a story. But anything is better than curling up on your bed. Trust me, doing something when you don't feel like doing anything is often one of the best ways to boost that mood a number or two.
- Express gratitude. It really makes a difference if you are specific. I pray frequently, but I tend to be repetitive in my prayers about what I am grateful for, because of course, I'm most grateful for the same things (my Savior? my husband and children? my good health?). But when I'm feeling blue, expressing gratitude for the unusual things that I love in my life or that bring joy actually helps more. Like last night I thanked God for S's dimple. I love that dimple. It immediately brought a smile to my face just thinking about it during my prayer.
- Most important of all: Don't give up! This is a marathon. Some parts seem endlessly uphill. Some parts make you want to collapse and quit. But don't! How you feel right now is not how you are going to feel for all eternity, or even for the rest of your life. Hang in there, and better days will come.
That's a promise I'm making to myself right now: better days WILL come. I'm not giving up!
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