Walking the Tightrope
How much is too much? How much is not enough? Parenting involvement, that is.
Don't be a helicopter parent!
Don't neglect your children!
Don't hover, they'll never learn how to do things on their own!
Are you crazy? You are responsible to protect your children! Keep them safe from chemicals, fake food, horrible media, strangers waiting to abduct them, toys waiting to hurt them!
I belong to a Facebook group dedicated to finding a missing teen who disappeared without a trace two years ago. Recently his story has gotten TV air time, so there are a bunch of new members to the group. Today there were several comments about how clearly the poor boy was too misunderstood-- after all his parents were clearly too strict because they forced him to drive when he didn't want to and besides, they didn't let him use his cellphone after 10pm when he was 17. So obviously the boy had reason to walk away without a word and they hope he is much happier living his own life free of his strict parents trying to force their lifestyles on him.
My Facebook feed is also full of laments that parents are not disciplining their children, they allow them free and wide access to technology with no limits, and they treat their children with kid gloves, never drawing a line, creating special snowflakes that have no self-restraint or experience with reality.
Such schizophrenic parenting advice posted right next to each other. And everyone "knows" they're right-- said as they pull out their own childhood experiences (either because their parents screwed up badly or were paragons of parenting).
Normally I shrug my shoulders. I gave up a long time ago trying to please "public" expectations of how to parent. (In most cases I fail public opinion right off the bat because I had five kids-- which no rational person should ever do, don't you know how bad that is for the kids? How can you give five kids everything they need? Not to mention how bad it is for the environment. Don't you care about the planet???)
But tonight it got under my skin a bit. Possibly because I am forcing one child to learn how to drive when she doesn't want to and all my kids have to turn in their phones at bedtime. I also allow my kids a great deal of screen time, they play a ton of video games, and I don't know just how prepared they are for reality. So I fail on both ends of the spectrum.
But my kids are loved. They are fed and clothed, they are getting an education (yes, despite the fact that some of you out there think that putting them into public school is tantamount to child abuse) and we are trying to teach them morals and responsibility, imperfect as it may be.
Are we screwing up as parents? Undoubtably. Are we doing stuff right? I certainly hope so. At some point as adults our kids will either be pointing their fingers at us and blaming us for all our failures-- but maybe, just maybe, they will be thanking us for being willing to try. Parenting is a minefield, and there are no guarantees.
Be kind to your parents. Be kind to yourself if you are a parent. And be kind to others who are walking the tightrope of parenting, trying to figure out how much is too much, and how much is not enough. Nobody is an expert at this, but none of us would be here if brave souls weren't willing to give it a shot!
Don't be a helicopter parent!
Don't neglect your children!
Don't hover, they'll never learn how to do things on their own!
Are you crazy? You are responsible to protect your children! Keep them safe from chemicals, fake food, horrible media, strangers waiting to abduct them, toys waiting to hurt them!
I belong to a Facebook group dedicated to finding a missing teen who disappeared without a trace two years ago. Recently his story has gotten TV air time, so there are a bunch of new members to the group. Today there were several comments about how clearly the poor boy was too misunderstood-- after all his parents were clearly too strict because they forced him to drive when he didn't want to and besides, they didn't let him use his cellphone after 10pm when he was 17. So obviously the boy had reason to walk away without a word and they hope he is much happier living his own life free of his strict parents trying to force their lifestyles on him.
My Facebook feed is also full of laments that parents are not disciplining their children, they allow them free and wide access to technology with no limits, and they treat their children with kid gloves, never drawing a line, creating special snowflakes that have no self-restraint or experience with reality.
Such schizophrenic parenting advice posted right next to each other. And everyone "knows" they're right-- said as they pull out their own childhood experiences (either because their parents screwed up badly or were paragons of parenting).
Normally I shrug my shoulders. I gave up a long time ago trying to please "public" expectations of how to parent. (In most cases I fail public opinion right off the bat because I had five kids-- which no rational person should ever do, don't you know how bad that is for the kids? How can you give five kids everything they need? Not to mention how bad it is for the environment. Don't you care about the planet???)
But tonight it got under my skin a bit. Possibly because I am forcing one child to learn how to drive when she doesn't want to and all my kids have to turn in their phones at bedtime. I also allow my kids a great deal of screen time, they play a ton of video games, and I don't know just how prepared they are for reality. So I fail on both ends of the spectrum.
But my kids are loved. They are fed and clothed, they are getting an education (yes, despite the fact that some of you out there think that putting them into public school is tantamount to child abuse) and we are trying to teach them morals and responsibility, imperfect as it may be.
Are we screwing up as parents? Undoubtably. Are we doing stuff right? I certainly hope so. At some point as adults our kids will either be pointing their fingers at us and blaming us for all our failures-- but maybe, just maybe, they will be thanking us for being willing to try. Parenting is a minefield, and there are no guarantees.
Be kind to your parents. Be kind to yourself if you are a parent. And be kind to others who are walking the tightrope of parenting, trying to figure out how much is too much, and how much is not enough. Nobody is an expert at this, but none of us would be here if brave souls weren't willing to give it a shot!
Comments