Unexpected Inspiration
Have you ever made a big mistake and then been unable to let it go? Maybe not a world-ending level of mistake but definitely bigger than, say, forgetting to get milk while at the store?
If you tend toward depression, this may be a regular part of your life. When something unpleasant happens, whether a mistake or an awkward social encounter or whatever, and you go over and over it in your mind, cognitive therapists call it rumination.
I am a ruminator.
One who knows better, technically. But still a woman who runs negative experiences through my mind on repeat so often that I have them memorized. Well, perhaps memorized isn't the right word. I have an exaggerated negative event imprinted on my mind so strongly that I am constantly reliving whatever distress it caused in the first place.
Ugh.
It is not a pretty state of mind. Nor great for my health, quite frankly.
Anyway, I made one of those mistakes this week. One that I found upsetting to the point I couldn't let it go but kept revisiting it over and over in my mind, dredging the negative effects over and over. Well, I didn't actually make the mistake this week. Rather, a choice that I made back in January had consequences that smacked me over the head this week. The consequences aren't life-wrecking-- in fact, the situation may turn out to be a blessing in disguise. But I feel like the world's biggest idiot.
Now put that on repeat. I've felt like the world's biggest idiot about ten times over during the last few days.
But inspiration and help come in strange ways sometimes. Now Terence and my mom and my sister and Kristi all know the details and all four of them have reassured me that I am NOT in fact the world's biggest idiot. My mom gave me a great pep talk tonight about living in the present and letting the worry go. But what finally hit me with the force of a freight train was a paragraph in the novel was I reading aloud to Terence on the drive home from my parents' house.
It's the fifth book of the Fablehaven series (a fantastic teen fantasy series, I'll try not to spoil it), and one of the main characters has just made a mistake that may literally cause the end of the world. So yeah, he's feeling pretty guilty. And he's beating himself up from it. And then there's a speech from one of his mentors that includes this jewel of a sentiment:
"Please do not obsess over choices you cannot change. Mistakes happen. Learn from the past, but concentrate on the present and the future."
For whatever reason, reading those words aloud in the car felt like a message directly for me. Yes, I made a mistake. I can learn from it, but I don't need to beat myself over the head with it, or relive it over and over.
Let it go.
It's amazing the wisdom that can poke through from the most unexpected places.
If you tend toward depression, this may be a regular part of your life. When something unpleasant happens, whether a mistake or an awkward social encounter or whatever, and you go over and over it in your mind, cognitive therapists call it rumination.
I am a ruminator.
One who knows better, technically. But still a woman who runs negative experiences through my mind on repeat so often that I have them memorized. Well, perhaps memorized isn't the right word. I have an exaggerated negative event imprinted on my mind so strongly that I am constantly reliving whatever distress it caused in the first place.
Ugh.
It is not a pretty state of mind. Nor great for my health, quite frankly.
Anyway, I made one of those mistakes this week. One that I found upsetting to the point I couldn't let it go but kept revisiting it over and over in my mind, dredging the negative effects over and over. Well, I didn't actually make the mistake this week. Rather, a choice that I made back in January had consequences that smacked me over the head this week. The consequences aren't life-wrecking-- in fact, the situation may turn out to be a blessing in disguise. But I feel like the world's biggest idiot.
Now put that on repeat. I've felt like the world's biggest idiot about ten times over during the last few days.
But inspiration and help come in strange ways sometimes. Now Terence and my mom and my sister and Kristi all know the details and all four of them have reassured me that I am NOT in fact the world's biggest idiot. My mom gave me a great pep talk tonight about living in the present and letting the worry go. But what finally hit me with the force of a freight train was a paragraph in the novel was I reading aloud to Terence on the drive home from my parents' house.
It's the fifth book of the Fablehaven series (a fantastic teen fantasy series, I'll try not to spoil it), and one of the main characters has just made a mistake that may literally cause the end of the world. So yeah, he's feeling pretty guilty. And he's beating himself up from it. And then there's a speech from one of his mentors that includes this jewel of a sentiment:
"Please do not obsess over choices you cannot change. Mistakes happen. Learn from the past, but concentrate on the present and the future."
For whatever reason, reading those words aloud in the car felt like a message directly for me. Yes, I made a mistake. I can learn from it, but I don't need to beat myself over the head with it, or relive it over and over.
Let it go.
It's amazing the wisdom that can poke through from the most unexpected places.
Comments