Just Like That...
Even in the midst of pandemic panic, life goes on.
Of course, the panic could be worse. I know that. I hope it doesn't get worse. It's been a tough week for me, as I'm sure it has been for a lot of people, as I've watched my world go from mildly crazy to full blown crazy.
I'm not going to write my thoughts about it. I don't need to start any flame wars, and my experience on facebook/blogs this week is that there are a lot of strong opinions and judgement and very little grace offered to those who might think differently. However, like many people who struggle with depression and anxiety, this week has just sucked for me. I don't get anxiety over the virus itself. I barely have any issues when it comes to contagious illnesses. Either we will get it or we won't, and I will worry about it when or if we do. (It's my same approach to stomach flu.) However, I have a horribly difficult time dealing with change. And this was a truck load of change dumped on my head at the same time, with no time to breathe or adjust.
Logically, I have no reason to panic myself. We have an adequate supply of what we need, though as a family of seven we will run out of toilet paper and hand soap if sanity doesn't return to the stores soon. I have high hopes that it will, since they finally-- FINALLY-- instituted some limits on what people could buy at one time in our neck of the woods. Most people will not panic buy if they can be certain they can pick something up when they need it. For the most part, Terence's job is secure. Nobody is furloughing the cops, though we did lose one RenFest shift when they closed that down. The kids' school situation is sucky (don't ask M about trying to prep for a calculus AP test that they apparently still expect her to take, even with at least a five week break from classes) but we will survive this too. (J's school is mostly going on as normal. The benefits of online school.) When I get desperate to get out (which I do) Terence and I take a bike ride around the neighborhood or I go for a drive. (Today it was to the post office to drop a couple of birthday cards in the mail).
But I still have nightmares. And trouble getting to sleep at night. And a desire to sleep for hours in the afternoon (that's the depression, right there). And so much anger (which is partly hormonal, and partly reaction to the whole situation). I'm grieving the loss of M's senior end-of-year stuff. The loss of B's first (and possibly only) basketball season. I'm afraid that my dad's company will go under and my entire family will face a financial bloodbath (my sister Amy and my brother-in-law Ryan work full time for the company, not to mention that I would lose my part time newsletter editor work). My dad is worried but also trying not to show it. He says he's not worried about his retirement or anything like that. Just that the 300-plus people who depend on this for their livelihood are on the knife edge of losing their jobs. I worry that if my dad loses this business-- which is the center of his life, his "legacy" as he calls it-- he will go downhill health wise fairly quickly (it's been a rough couple of health years for my dad, and sometimes I think his company is the reason he still keeps going).
The virus is bad-- don't get me wrong, I don't want to see a ton of people overwhelming the ICUs-- but I fear the economic disruption more.
But there are some silver linings here. I've finally had some time to work on my stories again. The kids are enjoying a lot of time together at home. M was awarded a full tuition grant for her entire freshman year, which will save her a ton of money (even if she has to do all those classes online, though I sincerely hope life is more or less back to normal by September). Church at home has been going more or less smoothly, since our Come Follow Me adjustment (like any change it was an adjustment for me) was already over with and so having our own lesson is a piece of cake. S and I have been able to work every day at pulling up weeds in a new section of the yard, when previously I resigned myself to having a jungle back there. K is getting far more regular exercise when he's out of school. Terence is managing to lose weight through all this (lucky man).
Best of all? My calendar for March 31st was crammed full of so many things that I was hyperventilating over it two weeks ago. And just like that, the day is clear. Nothing to stress about. :)
Hope you are hanging in there and doing the best that you can. We are hanging in there too.
Of course, the panic could be worse. I know that. I hope it doesn't get worse. It's been a tough week for me, as I'm sure it has been for a lot of people, as I've watched my world go from mildly crazy to full blown crazy.
I'm not going to write my thoughts about it. I don't need to start any flame wars, and my experience on facebook/blogs this week is that there are a lot of strong opinions and judgement and very little grace offered to those who might think differently. However, like many people who struggle with depression and anxiety, this week has just sucked for me. I don't get anxiety over the virus itself. I barely have any issues when it comes to contagious illnesses. Either we will get it or we won't, and I will worry about it when or if we do. (It's my same approach to stomach flu.) However, I have a horribly difficult time dealing with change. And this was a truck load of change dumped on my head at the same time, with no time to breathe or adjust.
Logically, I have no reason to panic myself. We have an adequate supply of what we need, though as a family of seven we will run out of toilet paper and hand soap if sanity doesn't return to the stores soon. I have high hopes that it will, since they finally-- FINALLY-- instituted some limits on what people could buy at one time in our neck of the woods. Most people will not panic buy if they can be certain they can pick something up when they need it. For the most part, Terence's job is secure. Nobody is furloughing the cops, though we did lose one RenFest shift when they closed that down. The kids' school situation is sucky (don't ask M about trying to prep for a calculus AP test that they apparently still expect her to take, even with at least a five week break from classes) but we will survive this too. (J's school is mostly going on as normal. The benefits of online school.) When I get desperate to get out (which I do) Terence and I take a bike ride around the neighborhood or I go for a drive. (Today it was to the post office to drop a couple of birthday cards in the mail).
But I still have nightmares. And trouble getting to sleep at night. And a desire to sleep for hours in the afternoon (that's the depression, right there). And so much anger (which is partly hormonal, and partly reaction to the whole situation). I'm grieving the loss of M's senior end-of-year stuff. The loss of B's first (and possibly only) basketball season. I'm afraid that my dad's company will go under and my entire family will face a financial bloodbath (my sister Amy and my brother-in-law Ryan work full time for the company, not to mention that I would lose my part time newsletter editor work). My dad is worried but also trying not to show it. He says he's not worried about his retirement or anything like that. Just that the 300-plus people who depend on this for their livelihood are on the knife edge of losing their jobs. I worry that if my dad loses this business-- which is the center of his life, his "legacy" as he calls it-- he will go downhill health wise fairly quickly (it's been a rough couple of health years for my dad, and sometimes I think his company is the reason he still keeps going).
The virus is bad-- don't get me wrong, I don't want to see a ton of people overwhelming the ICUs-- but I fear the economic disruption more.
But there are some silver linings here. I've finally had some time to work on my stories again. The kids are enjoying a lot of time together at home. M was awarded a full tuition grant for her entire freshman year, which will save her a ton of money (even if she has to do all those classes online, though I sincerely hope life is more or less back to normal by September). Church at home has been going more or less smoothly, since our Come Follow Me adjustment (like any change it was an adjustment for me) was already over with and so having our own lesson is a piece of cake. S and I have been able to work every day at pulling up weeds in a new section of the yard, when previously I resigned myself to having a jungle back there. K is getting far more regular exercise when he's out of school. Terence is managing to lose weight through all this (lucky man).
Best of all? My calendar for March 31st was crammed full of so many things that I was hyperventilating over it two weeks ago. And just like that, the day is clear. Nothing to stress about. :)
Hope you are hanging in there and doing the best that you can. We are hanging in there too.
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