Smoothly, Suavely, Ever-So-Gently

How are you when it comes to trying new things? Or with changes that come your way? I am not a big change person. I think I could be described as cautious about change, sometimes even suspicious or hostile. When I was dating Terence I always thought of him as a spontaneous, go with the flow kind of personality. The exact opposite of me, something that would balance me out.

Either I didn't know him very well back then (or myself, for that matter) or we've grown more like each other in the decade we've spent together. Now I find myself tackling big, dramatic changes (sometimes even spontaneously) while I've learned that you can't spring anything new on Terence and not expect some resistance. Whether we are talking about a potential vacation, plans for the next weekend, or just some personal goal that I've set for myself, Terence needs some time to process before he can support a new idea.

It was like that when I decided to run in the Ragnar race (and especially when I ended up being captain). I couldn't understand why he was so negative about it all. And when I decided to self-publish my book! Terence didn't want me to publish it myself or to try and find an agent. He just wanted me to hang on to it indefinitely. Not that he stays negative or unsupportive forever. He just needs time to get used to the idea, and then he's my biggest cheerleader for whatever I decide to do.

But I really knocked him sideways two days ago.

One of those really great but scary new ideas got lodged in my brain, something I want to do. And the more I think about it, the more I really want to do it. It involves going to India for a few weeks and working as a volunteer in a leper camp (or in the school for the kids of the lepers). It's a volunteer program through a charity called Rising Star Outreach. Now, it's not something I would be able to rush out and do right away-- it would take some finagling to work out the funds and the kids' situation, so we're probably talking about a few years from now. But I was so excited about it, I just had to tell Terence about it. I knew what his reaction would be, but I was hoping maybe he would just see my enthusiasm and get excited too.

Um, well, no-- Terence hasn't recently been possessed by some adventurous, spontaneous, challenge-embracing spirit. But I didn't expect the extreme hostility I got, either. But when we both settled down enough to talk about it rationally, Terence admitted a couple of things about why he freaks out when I take on new challenges:

1. He's worried something will happen to me.

2. He can't imagine living without me. Especially on a practical level. The idea of being a single parent scares him witless.

How sweet of him! I really don't think he has anything to worry about, but he says even my triathlons freak him out. He's super relieved when I'm all done and he knows I didn't drown or collapse from kidney failure or something. (Yes, he brought up kidney failure!) So, he continued, the idea of me going halfway around the world to India is horrible. Who knows what could happen to me there?

At this point, he managed to revive the cautious worry-wart that lives inside my brain. I reassured him that the idea of traveling to an Indian leper camp frightened me also, so he probably didn't have anything to worry about. To my surprise, Terence was not comforted. "A couple of years ago, we never would have believed you'd ever run the Ragnar," he reminded. "You'll probably end up doing this too." He still sounded fearful.

Hmmm, I wonder if he's right. I still have the desire to go, scary and insane though it may be. But if I really want to do it, I'll have to gradually help Terence get used to the idea. Some finesse is definitely called for here. At least I have plenty of time to work on him.