Learning from the Not-too-Distant Past

This morning I picked up one of my old journals and read the whole thing through. It covered a period from Dec. 2004-July 2005, then had a gap before starting up in Jan. 2007 and ending in Nov. 2007. (Apparently I lost the journal during the gap and wrote in another book before finding the previous one again. My poor descendants are going to be so confused!)

It's strange reading about a younger version of myself without it being so young that I can't even relate anymore. I turned 29 at the beginning of the journal-- it surprised me that I mused about how old 29 seemed. Really? 29 is old? Not in my current stage of life!

One of the interesting things to re-read about was my anxiety about getting pregnant. The journal opens with me doing the pregnancy test thing and being disappointed at the negatives (then quickly that turns happy because only a week later I would find out that I was, indeed, pregnant (with B)). The second half of the book in 2007 was the same thing all over again-- I was trying desperately to get pregnant and month after month was not having any success. I agonized over it, I wanted to have a baby so much. I was charting my temperature and nailing down my ovulation day and everything. My whole life seemed to revolve around that hope of having another baby. Eventually, I got so discouraged I gave up on the charting-- only to get pregnant that next month. Then the journal ends with the heartbreaking news that I had lost the baby at 10 weeks.

I wanted to shout back at my past self to not give up hope, not to despair, because I know the future and there will be not only one but two more babies for the family.

I wonder if it's like that for Heavenly Father sometimes? He sees us agonize over the trials we are going through and tries to tell us, "Don't give up! Don't despair! I know the future, and every righteous desire you have will be yours!"

What a reassuring thought! I need to listen to those feelings of comfort more closely and not discount them. He does know what blessings are in store for me, and I am sure that if I could see it too, I would not despair. I just need to have faith and keep moving in the right direction!