A Moment of Stupidity Paid For With a Sleepless Night

I'm starting to get panicky about labor. Did I get panicky in the final weeks last time? I can't remember now. But for some reason, it's really starting to hit me that soon I am going to have to get this baby out, and I just have such a low pain tolerance.

I proved that again to myself last night.

I had decided to take a bath, one of my best ways for getting relaxed and sleepy enough to drop right off when I get into bed, even if I'm as big as a beached whale nowadays. But Terence had just started a load in the dishwasher, and I have a tough time getting enough hot water in my tub anyway, so I had boiled a large pot of water to add to my tepid bath and make it more comfortable. Then I made one of those mistakes that are kind of inevitable when you are the kind of distracted reader I am.

See, I was reading through my booklet from the hospital, refreshing my memory on different natural methods of coping with the pain of labor. And no, I didn't put aside the booklet for long enough to dump in my pot of boiling water. Instead, I had the booklet spread out on the side of the bathtub and I was skimming through a page while I tipped the pot to pour some of the water into the tub. And wouldn't you just know it-- I tipped the flow of scalding water right onto my own hand.

Well, I paid for my stupidity. Boy, did I ever! So much for my bath. Since I was right there, I spent the next 20 minutes running cold water from the faucet over my hand. While I was standing there I went ahead and finished reading the section on labor in the booklet. At the very least I figured it would distract me. But no, eventually the pain was too great and the water from the faucet didn't feel cold enough. I ended up getting a big cup of chilled water from the water cooler and dipping my hand in that for 20 minutes, all the while trying to force the pain out of my mind. I was so exhausted, but I wanted to make sure I had really soothed my skin before I climbed into bed.

Eventually the water wasn't freezing cold any more and my hand was throbbing worse than ever. That's when the panic started to creep in. I tried Dermoplast (that only helped for 2 seconds, tops), lathering my fingers in aloe vera gel, and even resorted to an ice pack (though I know you're not supposed to get your fingers too cold, I didn't care anymore). The ice pack provided enough relief that I thought I could try to get to sleep, but the pack warmed back up before I could drop off.

I tried every relaxation technique that had been described in the book (except the ones that involved massage). I paced the room, I tried deep cleansing breaths and focusing on a point, I attempted mental imagery, I tried to distract myself by reading.

No dice. My hand hurt way too badly to sleep.

I remember desperately praying for help. I just wanted to be able to cope with the pain well enough to sleep. After that I had a thought to try one of the prescription meds my OB had given me for the horrific headaches I had gotten earlier in pregnancy. So I took one of those, got as comfortable as possible in bed, and spent an hour dipping my hand in water and then resting it in front of a fan so the air flow would cool it down. Eventually, I drifted off.

This morning I had a couple of little blisters on my fingers, but for the most part you can't tell I burned myself. It still hurts though. I could kick myself! But what bothers me the most is how desperate and panicky I got last night because it hurt and I couldn't make it stop. If I had been offered an epidural last night, I would have taken it in a heartbeat.

If a burn drives me to the point of insanity, how am I going to get through labor?