Battle Plan

I've been dealing with an old enemy which has insidiously wormed its way back into my life lately.  Any guesses?

The big "D" word.

I don't even want to call it depression, not really.  But the more I stare it in the face, the more I realize that just telling myself that I'm letting pessimism or worry or ingratitude or laziness get the better of me is not helping, and it is not allowing me to marshal up my forces and attack it.

It's not dire, not yet (not ever, hopefully).  Nowhere near the big leagues of the postpartum depression hell I found myself in after having B.  It's more of a persistent case of the blues.  It's quite normal for me to face this every year-- usually in the post-holiday excitement crash of January-- but it's not normal for me to face it in November.  Of all the times of the year, the stretch between Halloween and Christmas is usually the easiest for me.  I love this time of year and that usually keeps even mild depression at bay.  (It didn't last year, but my life had been particularly challenging last fall.  I don't have any such adversity going on in my life this time.)

So, what to do about it?

I have crossed anti-depressants off my list.  The only one that ever worked for me also made me bleed like I was on blood thinners.  No thanks.  There has to be another way.

Exercise is already one of my primary battle strategies.  It may even be why my blues have been moderate rather than severe.  But it has not been enough.  Got to throw another couple of battalions or weapons into the mix.

My cognitive therapy techniques?  Yeah, I should probably dig the book out and refresh my memory on what I'm supposed to be doing.  But I'm having a hard time finding the motivation.

Better sleep?  Oh yes.  This has been killing me.  I just can't keep getting up at 4:30 or 5:30 am and going to bed around midnight.  I am not one of those people who can function on 4 or 5 hours of sleep.  I pay for it emotionally.

Serving others?  This does help.  Feeling like I can do something to make someone else's load lighter really gives me a boost.  It reminds me that we are all in this together.

Asking for help?  That's what this blog post is about.  I'm letting everyone know I'm struggling rather than keeping it a secret.  Keeping it a deep, dark secret was my big mistake in 2006.  I'm really not that bad right now, but I want everyone to know so that you can check up on me periodically.  Just a "Are you hanging in there?" would be a good reminder that I have people who care about me (no matter what the demons in my head say).  Also, for my facebook friends, if you see me posting after 10 pm, tell me to go to bed!!! 

OK, so here's my gameplan: keep up the exercise every day, get to bed no later than 10, find someone to serve every day, get out my cognitive therapy book tonight and reread some of the pertinent sections (so I can remember which of those tools I need to employ again), and tell someone if things really go south.

Onward!