Sometimes Alone Time is Overrated

I'm alone in my house tonight.

It's too quiet.  It's really weird.  I had a Great to Be 8 meeting for primary at my home, and Terence decided to take the kids up to my mom's house for dinner so they would be out of the way.  My meeting was really short and sweet and to the point, so most of the evening I've been on my own.  The best part about it is that most of my main living areas are very clean (I worked hard for that yesterday and today) and they are still clean and it's been longer than 10 minutes!

The trouble with being alone though is that I'm troubled by negative thoughts tonight.  So many ways I keep beating myself up mentally-- then catching myself and trying to throw all that negativity out.

I don't know why my own brain is so critical.  I keep ruminating over how I feel like I'm falling short (in primary, as a mom, in my on going weight loss efforts, as a wife even).  I'm discouraged by the fact that I'm not spending hardly any time writing anymore and never working on my family history indexing anymore.  I'm frustrated with my own desire to sit around and play Marvel Alliance rather than doing something productive.  I feel like I'm being poked and prodded into doing stuff I don't want to and yet I don't find the words to express myself and set boundaries.  I'm not doing more to reach out to people around me who are struggling.

If ever there was a train of thoughts sure to bring my mood crashing down, this is it!

I need to shut it down.  This would make anybody want to howl-- or curl up and give up.  Not helpful.  Perhaps I'll go find a good, happy book and get lost in it until my family gets home again.

Then I will be plenty distracted from my thoughts!