Kindness Begins With Me

OK, before I get started this morning, let me preface my post with a warning. Or an apology, rather. I am not looking to offend anyone or start a fight, but I well know that a subject like this rouses up the fighting spirit in people. So please, please, I am not trying to upset anyone or start a debate!

There has been a lot of talk about "civility" lately-- after that horrible shooting at the Safeway in Tucson there has been especially talk about it on the political level. (As if the lack of civility in politics is something recent or new!) But for once, I have to agree with the idea that things are getting way out of hand to a new degree. And I think a lot of it has to do with the faceless, electronic way we often interact with people nowadays, especially on the internet.

Anyone who has ever read the comments on an online news story can attest to that. People can be so rude and hostile when it's just some anonymous tag like "smartgirl84" or "lonestar123" identifying them. I was on ksl.com the other day reading a story about the missionary who was recently killed in Jamaica and learned that KSL, finding it impossible to get people to be respectful in the comments, has disabled that feature altogether.

The worst part is that I'm finding that even among friends, not just anonymous posters, we can be so much less considerate online than in person. Part of it may be that it is harder to get a read on someone's meaning without the tone of their voice and their facial expressions to help out. But sometimes it is more than that.

I have a friend on facebook that is driving me a little nuts this way right now. She's a nice girl, especially in person, but her posts lately have been really rubbing me the wrong way. She is a diehard true believer in everything natural, from raw food to anti-vaccine to alternative health practices and so on. I have nothing against that-- to a certain extent, I even agree with some of the things she believes. But I have done my own research and have had a lot of personal experience in the natural healing department, and I have very opposite opinions from her on many of these topics. There's nothing wrong with that either.

But I'm getting tired of the posts that imply (or more than imply) that those of us who don't jump one hundred percent on the bandwagon are ignorant, malicious, or hurting our children. There is a difference between believing that vaccines are so harmful that you want to warn everyone about it and calling mothers who vaccinate "blind" or "stupid." We're all entitled to our opinions-- but if you truly believe that a mom feeding her children pasteurized milk is terrible, would you insult her to her face about it? Good heavens, not if you actually care about the mom or kids in question. (It works the other way as well. If you sincerely believe in vaccination, do you think you can persuade a mom who decides against it to change her mind by calling her irresponsible or neglectful?)

Plus, I have learned quite clearly that statistics and "proof" on every side of every issue (holistic vs. traditional healthcare, liberal vs. conservative politics, breastfeeding vs. bottlefeeding) can be slanted and skewed. Perhaps a little more humility when we choose our sides would be wiser. You never know-- one day in the future we may find that all our warning cries about danger were actually unnecessary, or maybe even did some harm. Nothing wrong with that because we are all human and fallible. But those kinds of mistakes are a lot easier to live with when they are made out of kindness and concern, rather that the result of a self-righteous, rude mission.

See, I knew this post was going to come out sounding mean. (Just like what I was blogging about!) But really, I'm not trying to be. I guess I'm just requesting that among friends, a little more kindness when we express our opinions would be welcome.