Toddling and Tenebrous Thoughts

Another week is finishing up!  I know Sunday is technically our first day of the week, but really I don't consider it a new week until I have to tackle Monday.  This week has been challenging for various reasons but none of them have been especially noteworthy.  Just the regular heavy schedule, negative thinking, minor health problems, brief moments of beautiful calm, and fun snatches of time watching my kids grow up all thrown together.

This week S decided to venture into the world of toddling.  She took her first steps alone earlier this month, but this week she got brave enough to start walking all the way across the living room and crossing other vast distances!  She's still in that wobbling, staggering stage of walking and she frequently falls down so if she really wants to get somewhere fast, she drops down and scurries around on all fours.  (She is a very quick crawler.)    It's so much fun to watch her grow but scary also.  She's already showing signs of being a typical member of our family, as my sister Amy pointed out yesterday when S started pulling apart a potted plant at my parents' house.  More destruction headed my way, I guess.

B had her own foray into scary territory this week.  She's ventured a little into this before, but this week it was harder for me to help her cope with.  She came to me the other night with a great big frowny face and sad eyes and announced that she didn't belong on earth.  This completely baffled me.  Didn't belong on earth?  What??  I asked for a little clarification and she explained that she belongs with Satan.

With Satan????

Then the whole tortured story poured out.  She felt like she was a really bad person.  She moaned that she does so many wrong things, and she does the same wrong things over and over.  I tried to comfort her; I reminded her that Jesus had made up for all of our mistakes and she can repent of anything that is bothering her.  But she felt she has done too much wrong to repent of it all.  (At just barely 7 years old!  She's not even accountable for anything yet.)

So I decided to take it one step at a time, asking her to tell me what she had done that was bothering her.  She gave me a list-- she'd stolen lots of candy from my room (I knew about that), she'd drank Daddy's soda with K, she'd told lots of lies (I knew about some of these, but a bunch surprised me), she said she'd played roughly with S even when she knew it could hurt her, and that she'd hurt K on purpose.  We talked about saying sorry and making up for some of it (like paying for some of the candy and soda) and then she prayed to tell Heavenly Father she was sorry.  In the past this was always enough to make B feel better and then she cheers right up.  But not this time.

After we had gone through all this she was still crying and saying she was a bad person.  I probed further, trying to get an idea what was going through her head.  (I know well enough what demons your own negative thoughts can be, and what a relief it is when someone challenges them.)  She then revealed that when she does bad things she feels good inside and when she does good things she feels bad inside.  This one flummoxed me a bit.  I think I gave her some lame answer about not worrying about it, she's not a bad person and then we got interrupted by the other kids.

Still, now I know that thought is floating around in her head and the best way to drive it out of there is to help her confront it.  But I don't know how to tackle this one.  Does anybody have any ideas?  I really don't want my little girl making herself miserable over this!

Comments

Vera saidā€¦
Wow that is a lot for Brie to deal with. I too struggled as a child with seemingly endless inadequacies. I struggled with lying, cheating in school, even stealing at times. I remember once getting blamed for something I hadn't done, and no one would believe me (because I lied too many times). That taught me quite a bit. This followed me for many years it seemed, and yet I was usually a very strict Mormon girl - others called me Molly Mormon and often felt if they only knew the real me they wouldn't say that. It was a lot to live up to. I also think some of my inadequacies came from being the middle child. My sister seemed so perfect all the time, and my mom's right hand. I on the other hand hated chores and just about anything my mom asked me to do. I'm not sure if this helps at all, but kids usually come through this, I think it's great that she opens up to you about it. I would try to help her feel good about herself, because I believe most of these behaviors come from feelings of inadequacy and never being good enough. (My middle daughter struggled similarly) As I got older it got better, but it wasn't until a wonderful man came into my life that I really learned to accept myself and become the person I wanted to be. So don't give up, keep the lines of communication open and assure her that no one is perfect but you love her just the way she is. I don't know that I ever confessed all that before, good thing only a few people I know read your blog.
Jean saidā€¦
So here is my take on the situation...Brie is feeling good when she does bad things because she is releasing unexpressed emotions when she hurts another or lies, etc. Perhaps these would be jealousy, anger, frustration or similar emotions. I would try to chat with her about what she is feeling before she does those actions she feels so good/guilty about and see if she can identify the emotions. Let her know that it is normal for us to feel the emotions and it is part of our earthly experience. Our Heavenly Father knows this and loves her even more for being so fully herself. Then suggest alternate ways of dealing with those pent up emotions that do not leave her feeling (dare I say) like she is hanging out with the master of nastiness and that do not harm others. She may need to have a special notebook where she can scribble to her hearts content, scream into a pillow, shake it out physically, a special (padded) place she can kick as she growls out her frustrations. Teach her to give herself time to feel the emotion and then be done with that one and choose a happier one that truly leaves her feeling good all over and fully accepted. You may ask her how she is feeling and if she is frustrated you may ask how long do you want to feel this frustration? do you need 2 minutes, 3, 5 etc and then set a timer...check back and see how she is doing--- (I know, very involved parenting :) )
Stefanie saidā€¦
Vera-I've noticed that one daughter gets in trouble a lot more than the other one. I've struggled with getting close to my middle child as well. I'm a middle child and hated feeling lost in the stuffle. I still struggle with feeling unimportant and plagued with lots of inadaquies.
Jean-Thank you for your ideas. I struggle with two of my childern's endless emotions. Thanks for your suggestions.
Heidi-I have one more for you. Maybe you could ask Terrence to give her a blessing and pray with her each night to know that her Heavenly Father loves her. Maybe you could go on a special hike and point out the beautiful things that Heavenly Father created for us. Currently, I'm keeping a list of all the ways Heavenly Father blesses me to strenghen my testimony. Maybe you guys could get a small notebook a write something each day.
You're a good mom, if your children feel comfortable telling you things like this.

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