Judgment or Wisdom?

I have a Facebook friend who for some time has been posting about her frustration about being judged.  I guess she has stopped going to church like she used to and she is forming different spiritual beliefs from much of her family.  She makes complaints every so often about how this has created some distance between her and her family members (though not all of them).

I've been pondering her situation every so often for awhile.  I don't know the details (this is a case where we are acquaintances, not close friends) and I don't know what kind of people her family are.  I don't even know her personally well enough to know if she's the kind of person who perhaps would feel judged even when people are not condemning her.

Actually, the concept of judgment has been one that has been swirling around in my head for awhile.  We have Jesus saying, "Judge not, lest ye be judged" (Matthew 7:1) and Mormon, a Book of Mormon prophet, instructing, "It is given to you to judge, that ye may know good from evil" (Moroni 7:15).  These would seem to be contradictory on the surface, but I think that is the case only if we don't understand what kind of judgment is being talked about.  We make judgments all the time, every day in fact, and the Lord doesn't condemn us for that.  In fact we are commanded to be wise.  Is it "judging" to refuse to allow your children to play at the house of a registered sex offender?  No, that would be wisdom.   That's an easy one for most people to see. But what about refusing to allow your children to play at a house where you know that environment does not meet your standards for your children?  Perhaps the family peppers their language with swear words or the parents drink alcohol with the kids around or they watch shows that you would blush to watch yourself, let alone your kids?  Does that mean you are judging the family (in the negative sense) or that you are being wise?

That's a lot harder one.  A bit grayer for many people (because I think even among those of you reading this you would have different opinions on that situation).  My own answer to this question comes from a verse in Doctrine and Covenants: 

"And now verily, verily, I say unto thee, put your trust in the Spirit which leadeth to do good-- yea, to do justly, to walk humbly, to judge righteously; and this is my Spirit."  (D&C 11:12).

If you are trying hard to follow the Spirit of God, you will make the right decision in individual situations like this.  You can trust in that guidance to make sure you are judging righteously about how to handle a specific situation.  You are not saying the people are evil; instead, you are making a wise decision to avoid a potentially hazardous or damaging environment.  

But how do you know when you are judging righteously and not puffing yourself up, taking issue with the mote in your neighbor's eye and ignoring the beam in your own?  The answer to that, in my opinion, is also in the same D&C verse.  If you are being just (or fair) and you are being humble about it and you still love the neighbor (as Jesus also commands), then you can be pretty sure you are following the Spirit and judging righteously.

If you read the continuation of Jesus' statement from Matthew on judging, it reads, "For with judgment ye are judged, ye shall be judged." (Matt. 7:2).   If you make your judgement calls following the Spirit, you will be judged according to that same Spirit.  And since I believe that there is no other fairer (just and yet merciful) kind of judgment, I'm quite happy to be met with that kind of judgment for my actions and choices.

I didn't really mean this post to be like a Sunday School lesson, though that's kind of what it ended up being. To return to my Facebook friend who is longing for the day that tolerance will permeate her relationships, I think what she is facing is probably not judgment in the sense of people condemning her.  Rather what I think she is facing is social pressure to conform.

That's a whole different kettle of fish.  I'll tackle that on another blog post.

Happy Thanksgiving Week, everyone!  May your turkey be cooked all the way through and may your pies come out golden and sweet!