Not Funny

I'd rather like to launch into a tirade right now. Of course, I really should go to bed, but sometimes when I read something that upsets me, I just can't let it go and get to sleep.

And so I'll unburden myself on my blog.

I have a friend who posted on Facebook this evening about some comments that her husband had made and looking for some advice/support. She said that her husband "jokingly" calls her an ogre, Mr. Ed, or a crocodile, and makes comments that she needs to lose twenty pounds or take fat from her arms and move it to her chest. She was clearly upset by this and wrote wondering if she is being too sensitive if she doesn't just laugh his "jokes" off.

! ! ! ! !

I hope you are as appalled by this as I am. Oh, I know that there are callous men out there who think nothing of insulting their wives in a supposedly lighthearted manner and expect them to laugh right along. But this is a man who certainly should know better, and apparently in other respects is a good husband. Now my friend has explained to her husband that she is hurt by his statements, but he doesn't think it's a big deal because he's only "joking" after all, and he teases her this way because they are so close.

How do you get a man like that to understand that hurting the feelings of someone close to you is never funny?

I married a man with a great sense of humor. But I don't always find the same things funny. Sometimes his teasing is more irritating that entertaining. But the few times he has teased me about something that hurt my feelings (usually when I'm at my most sensitive hormonally), as soon as he realizes it he apologizes and he never makes jokes like that again. And he has never, EVER, made a joke about the way I look, or even made a flippant remark that is critical of my appearance.

Let's face it, most women are very sensitive about the way they look. Quite a lot of us need to be reassured that our husbands find us attractive, that they are not secretly wishing they were married to an airbrushed magazine model instead. Any man with any sense at all must realize this.

So how do you handle the husband who is obviously lacking sense in this department? Assuming that he is not an abusive jerk that you are planning to divorce anyway, how do you find a solution to this challenge? What would you do in my friend's situation?