What Would I Do Without My Dad?

I love my Dad!

I know that's kind of a cliché thing to say on Father's Day, but I really, truly mean it. I'm so lucky to have a father who has been a part of my life from the very beginning and is still a good part of it. So many kids have to grow up without their dads, and mine honored all his commitments to provide for me and my sisters and to be there physically and to try to teach us what we needed to know as we grew up.

I don't mean to say my father was perfect. That would be unfair (and unrealistic). But my dad loved us-- he loved us so much that sometimes I think he stumbled just because he was so anxious about us. And sometimes he was just figuring things out himself. I understand that all too well because as a parent I too make mistakes all the time because I love my kids so much that I can't always be rational. And sometimes (OK, maybe frequently) I am just figuring things out myself.

I was born when my father was the ripe old age of 22. My sister Camie followed so closely that at 23 he was a father of two kids while still trying to go to college. By the time Amy came into the picture, I was old enough to remember my dad, and he seemed so old and wise. But in reality, he was only just barely 27 years old. I think back to what I was like as a 27 year old, and how overwhelmed I was, and how little I knew about relationships and parenting in particular-- Dad, you did an amazing job holding it all together!

We had our share of trials as a family growing up, and now as an adult I look back on it with so much gratitude. It must have been so challenging: figuring out how to be a decent husband, how to keep up with church responsibilities, how to provide for a family in expensive San Diego, how to start your own business and keep it afloat. Not to mention what to do with three increasingly independent, opinionated, moody daughters.

I had my moments as a teenager when I thought my father was out to ruin my life. But by the time I left for college, my father was a lifeline. He would take business trips to Utah and swing by Provo and take me out for dinner and maybe a little shopping excursion. I remember watching him drive away from my dorm or apartment in his rental car and just aching with homesickness. I felt so safe when my dad was around. Like everything was under control and there was nothing to be afraid of.

When I left on my mission my dad was one of my strongest supporters and cheerleaders, sticking to what was best for me even if I didn't realize it at the time. (My parents happened to be in New York during my birthday, and my mission president gave them permission to take me out to dinner. My dad declined, saying that it would be better for me in the long run if they didn't. I was hugely disappointed at the time, but in the end he was right.) Dad was also a safety net for me when I came home from my mission, helping me transition back into normal life and supporting my decisions without being judgmental at all. And not long after, when I decided I wanted to marry Terence, my dad unwaveringly supported my choice.

The best thing about my dad? He is an absolute wonderful Grandpa! My kids love him. They love to spend time with him, they love the funny things he says, and he is so patient with them. All those years of learning how to be a parent while he was muddling through actually being a parent were so that he could be an amazing grandparent!

Thank you, Dad!! I owe you so much for so many things, but most of all for the hope that no matter how much I fall short now as a parent, my kids are still learning and growing from my influence and they still feel my love. And hopefully someday, I will take all these lessons I am learning now and be a grandparent just as good as you!