No Words
Sometimes there are just no words and no one to talk to about what you're going through. This week has been one of those weeks. I'm not intentionally trying to drive you all nuts with mysterious writing, but it's been unusual and difficult without someone to confide everything to. Usually I have friends or Terence or family or this blog or even Facebook (if I'm feeling particular in the mood to tell all the world my problems). One of these avenues usually helps me find some solutions or at least feel better about the challenges I'm tackling. Yet I just don't feel I can do that right now, not completely. And my soul feels heavy without any kind of release.
I can't even get much help from Terence in this regard. Terence is my best friend and I love him to death, but there are some things that I just can't "talk over" with him. Sometimes it's because I know he'll jump right in and try to "fix" my problems, sometimes it's because it's something that just isn't a big deal to him (being a man) and he just doesn't get why it's a big deal to me. Sometimes I don't talk to Terence because my candid and honest thoughts might hurt him and the last thing I want to do is hurt my husband. Anyway, things are extra hard when I can't turn to my best friend for support.
I know the Sunday School answer-- pray and talk it over with Heavenly Father. I've tried, yet I can't seem to really sincerely pray about it. Partly because I get distracted with all my worries and things I need to do (something I always struggle with during my prayers) and partly because I just don't feel "right" praying about what's bothering me. (This isn't the case at the moment, but have you ever prayed about your sex life, for example? That's just not one of the topics I feel comfortable praying about. Yes, I know you can talk to Heavenly Father about everything, but words fail me quite often when it comes to a way to approach this in prayer.) A HUGE problem when it comes to prayer right now is staying awake. If I'm kneeling with my eyes closed for longer than a minute or two these days, I fall asleep. Hard to hold a conversation with God that way.
The Lord is having pity on me anyway, despite my inability to "pray mightily." Every time I feel like I just can't go on, He steps in and makes my pathway just a little smoother. Hopefully in a week or two, I'll be through this rough patch, and I'll have the words to tell you all about it.
I can't even get much help from Terence in this regard. Terence is my best friend and I love him to death, but there are some things that I just can't "talk over" with him. Sometimes it's because I know he'll jump right in and try to "fix" my problems, sometimes it's because it's something that just isn't a big deal to him (being a man) and he just doesn't get why it's a big deal to me. Sometimes I don't talk to Terence because my candid and honest thoughts might hurt him and the last thing I want to do is hurt my husband. Anyway, things are extra hard when I can't turn to my best friend for support.
I know the Sunday School answer-- pray and talk it over with Heavenly Father. I've tried, yet I can't seem to really sincerely pray about it. Partly because I get distracted with all my worries and things I need to do (something I always struggle with during my prayers) and partly because I just don't feel "right" praying about what's bothering me. (This isn't the case at the moment, but have you ever prayed about your sex life, for example? That's just not one of the topics I feel comfortable praying about. Yes, I know you can talk to Heavenly Father about everything, but words fail me quite often when it comes to a way to approach this in prayer.) A HUGE problem when it comes to prayer right now is staying awake. If I'm kneeling with my eyes closed for longer than a minute or two these days, I fall asleep. Hard to hold a conversation with God that way.
The Lord is having pity on me anyway, despite my inability to "pray mightily." Every time I feel like I just can't go on, He steps in and makes my pathway just a little smoother. Hopefully in a week or two, I'll be through this rough patch, and I'll have the words to tell you all about it.
Comments
P.S. It was great to see your dad at the funeral in Vegas. He is SO awesome! I told him I was your #1 fan!