School Troubles Continued
Yesterday I kind of had a respite from stressing about the school stuff. The conference with M's teacher went very well and I left feeling like it was possible to keep M up with her stuff. (In fact, her teacher was at a loss at what goals to assign for her academic plan for the year, since she's ahead. We finally decided on working on algebra and vocabulary and getting the mechanics of writing quotations down as her goals for quarter one.) When we got home from school, we managed to tackle everything that needed to be done. It didn't go perfectly, but well enough that I was a little more hopeful about being able to keep up with it all. But that was yesterday.
Today's parent teacher conference brought me to tears. Quite literally, I'm sorry to say. Certainly it mortified J's teacher-- she was so apologetic. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to upset you!" she worried. I tried to explain that this is just how I am (especially since this is a hormonal time of month for me!) In a nutshell, J's teacher is concerned about him socially. She talked about some of her observations: he has a hard time making eye contact, he doesn't get the personal space thing so well (he spreads his work out all over his neighbors' desks), he is absolutely and always literal in his answers, and at the beginning of the year he would get up and wander around the room.. He's not wandering now, but I guess about 10 or 10:15 every day, he starts to lose his ability to sit still and be quiet. He picks up pencils and makes them fly and has a constant run of noise to go with it (flying noise or combat stuff like shooting sounds). Sometimes he gets down and crawls under his desk. It's not terribly disruptive and it doesn't interfere with his achievement in school so she can't do anything as far as the school goes because he doesn't need any "intervention." In fact, I know he's had trouble with these things every year in school. However, J's getting older now. What is kind of normal as a kindergartner is getting unusual as a third grader. His teacher is concerned enough that she says if he were her child she would probably get him evaluated for any possible developmental disorders (like high functioning autism or Asperger's or ADHD). She emphasized strongly that she could be completely wrong, that this could just be J's personality, but she's afraid that he will have trouble making friends or that the kids will tease him and that J is too bright not to realize it.
It was having my worst fears confirmed by an outside observer.
Terence and I have had a few discussions about what it might be that makes J so different. He clearly marches to his own drummer, and I know that some people find his behavior utterly puzzling. We have speculated before that perhaps he would fall on the very mild end of the autism spectrum. But his doctor has never seemed worried nor have his previous teachers so we have not worried either.
I looked up Asperger's today-- I found a list of the diagnostic criteria and tried to objectively apply this to J. He does have some qualities that fall into this list, but most of them don't apply at all. But when I think about it, he does have kind of long list of behaviors that, grouped all together, concern me a bit:
1. He doesn't always seem to understand how to hold a conversation. He will talk for a long time on a subject without needing any answers from anyone else and without any idea of when someone is trying to change the subject or talk about something else.
2. He sometimes will avoid all eye contact, no matter how much you try to get him to look at you.
3. He is terrified of loud noises and always has been, to the point that I have to be careful if I take him to the movies or any other event that is likely to have sudden loud noises. This last 4th of July was the very first time he didn't cower in fear throughout the whole fireworks show (though he did insist on watching them from inside the car with the windows closed tight).
4. He doesn't seem to have any sense of personal space boundaries, even with strangers. If he is interested in what you are doing, he will walk right up next to you (and I mean right next to you) to watch more closely.
5. Socially he just doesn't seem always to get it. I can't explain it better than that, but I have been worried for awhile about his interactions with others. Something just seems off, even though I can't describe it more specifically than that.
6. Rules are really important to him. (He doesn't always follow them. But expect him to know them and point it out when others are not doing so.)
Most of this I put down to just immaturity, but he doesn't seem to be growing out of it. I don't know . . . is this just J's quirky personality? Or something that needs to be professionally evaluated?
Today's parent teacher conference brought me to tears. Quite literally, I'm sorry to say. Certainly it mortified J's teacher-- she was so apologetic. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to upset you!" she worried. I tried to explain that this is just how I am (especially since this is a hormonal time of month for me!) In a nutshell, J's teacher is concerned about him socially. She talked about some of her observations: he has a hard time making eye contact, he doesn't get the personal space thing so well (he spreads his work out all over his neighbors' desks), he is absolutely and always literal in his answers, and at the beginning of the year he would get up and wander around the room.. He's not wandering now, but I guess about 10 or 10:15 every day, he starts to lose his ability to sit still and be quiet. He picks up pencils and makes them fly and has a constant run of noise to go with it (flying noise or combat stuff like shooting sounds). Sometimes he gets down and crawls under his desk. It's not terribly disruptive and it doesn't interfere with his achievement in school so she can't do anything as far as the school goes because he doesn't need any "intervention." In fact, I know he's had trouble with these things every year in school. However, J's getting older now. What is kind of normal as a kindergartner is getting unusual as a third grader. His teacher is concerned enough that she says if he were her child she would probably get him evaluated for any possible developmental disorders (like high functioning autism or Asperger's or ADHD). She emphasized strongly that she could be completely wrong, that this could just be J's personality, but she's afraid that he will have trouble making friends or that the kids will tease him and that J is too bright not to realize it.
It was having my worst fears confirmed by an outside observer.
Terence and I have had a few discussions about what it might be that makes J so different. He clearly marches to his own drummer, and I know that some people find his behavior utterly puzzling. We have speculated before that perhaps he would fall on the very mild end of the autism spectrum. But his doctor has never seemed worried nor have his previous teachers so we have not worried either.
I looked up Asperger's today-- I found a list of the diagnostic criteria and tried to objectively apply this to J. He does have some qualities that fall into this list, but most of them don't apply at all. But when I think about it, he does have kind of long list of behaviors that, grouped all together, concern me a bit:
1. He doesn't always seem to understand how to hold a conversation. He will talk for a long time on a subject without needing any answers from anyone else and without any idea of when someone is trying to change the subject or talk about something else.
2. He sometimes will avoid all eye contact, no matter how much you try to get him to look at you.
3. He is terrified of loud noises and always has been, to the point that I have to be careful if I take him to the movies or any other event that is likely to have sudden loud noises. This last 4th of July was the very first time he didn't cower in fear throughout the whole fireworks show (though he did insist on watching them from inside the car with the windows closed tight).
4. He doesn't seem to have any sense of personal space boundaries, even with strangers. If he is interested in what you are doing, he will walk right up next to you (and I mean right next to you) to watch more closely.
5. Socially he just doesn't seem always to get it. I can't explain it better than that, but I have been worried for awhile about his interactions with others. Something just seems off, even though I can't describe it more specifically than that.
6. Rules are really important to him. (He doesn't always follow them. But expect him to know them and point it out when others are not doing so.)
Most of this I put down to just immaturity, but he doesn't seem to be growing out of it. I don't know . . . is this just J's quirky personality? Or something that needs to be professionally evaluated?
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