Resolutions Revisited
Well, we are now halfway through 2009.
Did you make New Year's Resolutions this year? Do you even remember what they were? Normally I have completely forgotten my resolutions by this time of the year. It's pretty good if I remember until February.
However, this year I vowed it was going to be different. I was going to set a few reasonable goals so I could actually succeed at the resolution thing. So here's the update on how I'm doing this year.
Three of the four are going well. I'd set a goal to lose 30 pounds this year and this one is going the most successful. I'm down about 31 pounds from my prepregnacy weight so hooray for that! I planned to attend the temple once a month from March to December, and so far I'm making that one. The third goal was that I was going to get on top of our food storage as part of becoming a little more financially stable and prepared. Here I've made some progress, since I actually have an inventory of everything we already have and have made small purchases every week to add to it.
Now before Ashlie can start saying I do everything too well again, here's the problem: goal number four. Actually, it was goal number one because it's the most important thing I need to work on. All the other stuff is minor next to becoming a better parent-- specifically a better listener and more patient.
I even had some reasonable, specific ways I was going to go about getting better at this, picked up in the parenting class I took at church a year and a half ago. Sadly, in this area I continue to trip and fall on my face nearly every day.
Why, oh, why can I improve in lots of other areas in my life and neglect the one that is the most critical? I have years ahead of me to achieve other kinds of goals, but if I wait too long with the kids, that time will be gone forever. I don't want them to grow up without me having any idea of who they are because I never bothered to put them first while they were little.
What's the point of being a stay-at-home mom, if I'm not emphasizing the mom part? It never was the goal of my life to be a stay-at-home housekeeper! Or a stay-at-home computer addict, for that matter.
Well, nobody ever said you could only start over in January. July works too, right?
Did you make New Year's Resolutions this year? Do you even remember what they were? Normally I have completely forgotten my resolutions by this time of the year. It's pretty good if I remember until February.
However, this year I vowed it was going to be different. I was going to set a few reasonable goals so I could actually succeed at the resolution thing. So here's the update on how I'm doing this year.
Three of the four are going well. I'd set a goal to lose 30 pounds this year and this one is going the most successful. I'm down about 31 pounds from my prepregnacy weight so hooray for that! I planned to attend the temple once a month from March to December, and so far I'm making that one. The third goal was that I was going to get on top of our food storage as part of becoming a little more financially stable and prepared. Here I've made some progress, since I actually have an inventory of everything we already have and have made small purchases every week to add to it.
Now before Ashlie can start saying I do everything too well again, here's the problem: goal number four. Actually, it was goal number one because it's the most important thing I need to work on. All the other stuff is minor next to becoming a better parent-- specifically a better listener and more patient.
I even had some reasonable, specific ways I was going to go about getting better at this, picked up in the parenting class I took at church a year and a half ago. Sadly, in this area I continue to trip and fall on my face nearly every day.
Why, oh, why can I improve in lots of other areas in my life and neglect the one that is the most critical? I have years ahead of me to achieve other kinds of goals, but if I wait too long with the kids, that time will be gone forever. I don't want them to grow up without me having any idea of who they are because I never bothered to put them first while they were little.
What's the point of being a stay-at-home mom, if I'm not emphasizing the mom part? It never was the goal of my life to be a stay-at-home housekeeper! Or a stay-at-home computer addict, for that matter.
Well, nobody ever said you could only start over in January. July works too, right?
Comments
If you're insistent on this "be a better mother" goal thing, you have to make achievable, seeable goals, not just abstract ideas of what you think is perfection. Say that you'll only spend one hour on line a day or you'll promise to spend a 1/2 hour with each child individually per day or something like that. But just telling yourself to be better or else? How can you possibly NOT fail at such a thing? You expect way too much of yourself and it only leads to feelings of failure. So knock it off.
The whole point of goals is to envision something that's actually doable. We can all say "I'd like to be a better person this year." What does that even mean? How do you know when you've gotten there? How do you know when your own personal prejudice against yourself isn't clouding your results, or rather what you see as your results? Make a goal with numbers. That's why your other goals are successful and this one is not. Be reasonable with yourself and you'll probably succeed.
I'm always feeling guilty about one thing or another (usually the computer). I try to do my best and make up for it in other ways if I'm on too long one day. BAD ME. :)
Maybe the computer thing is giving you some much needed time for yourself. Mom's need that especially if you are at home or with the kids all the time. As long as you are loving them, feeding them, clothing them, protecting them and being there for them when they need you, you are putting them first. But sometimes you need to put you first. It is important for your sanity. When I didn't have to work I still worked part time ( a couple of evenings a week) when my husband was home just to get out of the house.
I hope I made sense and Congratulations on the weight loss. I am so proud of you. I wish I could get that motivated to lose mine.
It is intersting that your goals are almost the same as mine. Just in a different order. Keep uo the good work.
As for the setting a measurable goal, with numbers, I did. It was even one that wasn't too hard, at least I thought. In my parenting class they taught us to use a phrase that goes "I feel {blank} when you {blank} because it {blank}." (For example, "I feel really frustrated when you track mud in the house because I have to mop the floor again.") The idea being that you will be expressing what's bothering you in a way that hopefully keeps you from losing your cool. Supposedly it helps your kids recognize that they aren't the only people on the planet also. Anyway, my goal was to try to use that phrase just once a day when I got upset at one of the kids instead of yelling pointless stuff like "You always track mud in the house!!! Why can't you just wipe your feet off?? What's wrong with you??? Don't give me that look. GO TO YOUR ROOM!" You know, the kind of stuff that leaves my kids running for cover.
Well, I remembered to use it a couple of times in six months. :-)
Being a mom is hard work. I know you are doing better then you think!