Patience

Well, I had my first OB appointment today.

The news was not the most reassuring, but it wasn't absolutely what I was dreading, either. My OB always does a quick vaginal ultrasound at the first appointment to make sure you're not having twins and to make sure everything is developing correctly. This was where I got the horrible news that everything was wrong with the baby I lost in between K and B. You think everything's fine, you have an ultrasound, and then there's no heartbeat.

So you can see why I was nervous for today.

When it came time for today's ultrasound, I knew immediately I was not going to get the absolute assurance that everything was fine with this pregnancy. I'm pretty good at recognizing "normal" by now, seeing as I've had so many ultrasounds that I can't even count them.

And it was not looking normal.

I finally said so and my doctor reluctantly agreed. We could see the embryonic sac, and what we presumed was a yolk sac, but nothing that looked like an embryo. But my OB didn't give up yet-- the ultrasound machine she uses for these "quickies" is a little portable one, not a super detailed powerful one. So she maneuvered around a little more and then said, "Wait, that could be something! See that flickering?" And I could see it, just a little. Something that could be the baby, possibly with a flickering heartbeat. She took a picture, and I have it, a little blurry blob that may just be our baby.

But it wasn't a good enough view to satisfy me or my OB, given my past history.

So now I will be going back in for another ultrasound at an actual radiology office in about a week, so they can confirm for us what is really going on. So I have a week to wait and be patient and hope for the best. In the meantime, she added about a gazillion things to be tested in the blood they drew today, including my current hcg levels and my progesterone levels. Those results should be in sooner than a week, and they will give us some clues as to whether everything is going OK or not.

Oh, I hope it all works out! But I've been through so much that it's so hard to be positive. This is going to be a long week.