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Surprise!

Life turned upside down again in our house yesterday. I guess that's one of the ways life keeps us on our toes-- nothing ever goes exactly like you plan.

Since I'm not a very good secret keeper, I'll go ahead and share the news now-- I'm expecting baby #5.

! ! ! ! !

At least that was my reaction yesterday. After all, Terence and I were pretty sure that with four kids we were done. Especially since my pregnancy history is fraught with complications and I'm not so young anymore. So much for that, right?

I know traditionally you're supposed to keep spreading this news to a minimum until you get out of the first trimester. At least most women I know follow this logic, just in case they lose the baby. And really, you would think that logic would doubly apply to me, seeing as I have had four miscarriages before and I'm at high risk to do it again. But I've found that keeping a miscarriage a secret does me no good either-- at least it's easier for me if I can explain to people (or Terence can explain on my behalf) why I'm a wreck.

This time I'm especially worried because of the kidney stone last week. All the drugs I had in my system for five days are bad enough-- but what worries me the most is the CT scan. Nothing like an extra concentrated dose of radiation directed right at my abdomen.

I'm really trying to put the fears out of my mind. This is all in the Lord's hands, when it comes down to it. Everything will go fine or it won't, but in the large scheme of things everything WILL be fine.

Still, I can't help but be a little scared-- and conflicted. I really didn't want to be pregnant again. But at the same time I can't face the thought of losing another baby. And I feel guilty for all the possible trauma inflicted on the baby last week, although there really wasn't anything I could have done about that, and we didn't know I was pregnant so it wasn't like it was on purpose.

(Maybe those pregnancy hormones are all getting to me, eh?)

Well, Monday I have an appointment with my family doctor to discuss the kidney stone/gall stones stuff, and I guess we see what they say about it. Hopefully it's reassuring, right?

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The Hatch's said…
WOW!!! That's a definite surprise. I'm sure everything will be fine with the baby. You are definitely not the first person that has happened to. Spencer and I were just joking the other day that 5 was the new 4 because we have a bunch of friends that the same thing has happened to them. It must be something in the water fountains at church. I guess I better starting bringing my own. :)
March 10, 2011 at 10:58 AM
Abby said…
HOLY CRAP I was not expecting that! But I'm sure you're more surprised than I, certainly. Wow. The worry about the baby's health must be killing you, but remember, women do TONS of dangerous crap in the time period when they don't know they're pregnant yet. Lots and lots of them do. And yet perfectly healthy babies still pop out of them anyway. As you said, God's will be done, but I wouldn't worry. Congratulations!
March 10, 2011 at 12:03 PM
brooke said…
wowsers!!!!! you're pregnant! congratulations!! even though you weren't expecting it (at all), i am excited for your news. do you know how many weeks you are yet?
March 10, 2011 at 2:21 PM
Anonymous said…
My goodness, Heidi girl, what an interesting life you lead....ha ha, to say the LEAST!! Now that is REALLY news! I must say I LOVE the #5. I am the fifth child in my parent's family of 8 kids; I had 5 kids, and my fifth is one of the joys of my life. Also, my last grandchild, and the one I've been closest to since his birth, is the fifth child. It is a special number to me. Congrats to you guys, and may God see you thru this with the best of care. Hugs...
March 11, 2011 at 5:29 PM
VKMyers said…
Wow! That would definitely be a surprise! I'm with everyone else. There are plenty of people out there who had less than stellar situations prior to learning they were pregnant and have had perfectly healthy babies. My prayers will be with you that all will go well with this pregnancy and that you'll have peace of mind. Congratulations!
March 12, 2011 at 11:41 AM
Lissy said…
That is a surprise! Hope everything is fine, don't worry too much like everyone said - chances are it will all be fine. We are exposed to plenty of radiation just in the everyday environment. I think Heavenly Father knew you could handle one more, and that the baby would be in good hands ;) Take it easy super mama!
March 12, 2011 at 5:32 PM
Kaycee said…
Oh my gosh!!!! I don't get to check blogs very often. Now I know why you said you were nauseated the other day. I just thought you were sick with something. Holy Cow! Big surprise! I am so happy and excited for you. I hope every thing goes well, I am sure it will.
March 17, 2011 at 12:01 PM
Ashlie Dalton said…
um wow! i didn't realize it had been so long since i'd read blogs... CONGRATULATIONS on the pregnancy! also, i'm really sorry you're so sick. and i'm sorry about the ct scan :( that is super scary. but like you said, it is all in His hands and everything will be ok, no matter what happens. just think of all the people who do crazy things not knowing that their pregnant and they have healthy babes.
anyway, i hope the sickness/tiredness doesn't last long, and you can get back to regular life.
congrats again, that is so exciting!
March 23, 2011 at 7:32 PM
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