Absence is a Blessing in Disguise

It's quiet this morning around here, which is very nice. Everyone but K is still asleep, which gave me plenty of time to read my scriptures, make muffins for breakfast, and do some arbitration for the family search indexing project. My quiet time will end soon because I'll have to get the kids up and start the bathtime rounds and everything else that comes with Sunday morning. Today I get to do it on my own-- not that I don't usually do it on my own-- but Terence has meetings to go to both before and after church today. It's kind of sad that he won't be able to come to my parents' house tonight, seeing as we are celebrating their birthdays, but really, I'm not complaining. It's been only a blessing in our life to have Terence so busy in his Elder's Quorum calling.

It's a blessing in a way you might not expect.

Way, way back in the day, when we were still living in California and Terence had decided he wanted to be a cop (but hadn't yet been hired as one), one of his best friends tried very hard to dissuade him. He even brought his argument to me, saying that if Terence became a cop he would change, and I wouldn't like it. He insisted that all cops change into something not so nice, however wonderful they may be to begin with. I laughingly dismissed him. Terence, change into some obnoxious bully? Impossible. I figured Chris was just prejudiced against cops to begin with.

It wasn't until Terence was finishing up the police academy that I learned that there was some truth to what Chris was telling me. Terence's department had a "family day," where they invited all the families of the new officers to come and learn about the new career their family had chosen. (And yes, law enforcement is in essence a career that affects the entire family. Just like the military.) For the spouses, they had a couple of classes where they taught us about the dark side about what happens to police officers and their families.

And there is a dark side, oh, yes.

They weren't trying to scare us, rather they were trying to prepare us for what might come. Also, they wanted to make sure we knew of the support system the department had put together to try and help (inadequate though it may be). Over time, cops do turn into different people. It has to do with the physical toll on their bodies from being on high alert for such long periods of time, as well as the mental toll from dealing with the not-so-great side of society day in and day out. In it's mildest form, long-time cops can become cynical and rather apathetic lumps outside of work. In the worst case, they deal with it through substance abuse, domestic violence, and suicide.

There are a few things to help counteract this. One thing is that they absolutely need at least 30 minutes of cardio exercise every single day. (This helps reset their adrenaline levels so they can function somewhat normally.) The other super helpful thing is to get involved outside of work with friends or others, especially with normal people who can remind them that not every one is a loser or a jerk or a criminal.

This is where Terence's job at church has been a lifesaver. He's nowhere near having any of the serious problems, but I had noticed a fair amount of apathy and an unwillingness to make any decisions, or do much at all. But now he's forced, frequently, to get out and interact with other people, serve other people, and do stuff other than sit in front of the computer and veg when he's at home. I can already see the difference. And it's made some amazing changes in his life. Hopefully soon he will get back into the exercise consistently too, so physically he can recover a bit.

So no, you won't hear a word of complaint out of me as I go it alone today. It is just what our family needs!