Trapped in the Oubliette
Ready for another confession? (I make quite a few of these here, don't I? Maybe I should rename the blog "Confessions of a Marginally Insane Mother" or something.) Anyway, here it is: I have serious trouble with one of the seven deadly sins. Not wrath or pride or sloth--wait . . . OK, maybe I have trouble with just about all the deadly sins. I think about the only ones I can cross off my list are gluttony and lust. (Umm, except for maybe on major holidays. Then gluttony might be a problem too. . . .)
Waving aside all those other areas where I have problems (apparently I'm human), the one I wanted to bring up was envy. Envy sneaks up and bites me nearly every day. I find myself wishing I could have what some neighbor does, or do what some fellow blogger does, or just be what some other supermom is. I'm envious of people with clean, beautifully decorated spacious homes. I'm envious of people who are able to eat healthy and enjoy it. I'm envious of those disciplined homeschooling moms who give their kids a great personalized education. I'm envious of those people who managed to pay off $70,000 in credit card debt and then go on to pay off their houses and flesh out a retirement fund (hello, Dave Ramsey people!) I'm envious of other people who are able to to put spiritual things in their lives first no matter what and find peace therein.
You rosy moms who blog about finding the joy and eternal significance in doing the dishes and laundry, how do you do it? How do you see such things as "blessing your family" and not just another thing on your to do list? Terence and I were having a conversation the other day-- I was fretting a bit about why going to the temple just seemed like another task I needed to complete for the day-- and Terence pointed out that everything in my life is just another task on my to do list, even spending time with him and the kids. Even things I do for "recreation" like writing stories or playing video games end up on a list (it's true). It doesn't bother him-- he says that's just how I think, not that it means that everything in my life is just something I want to get over with. But I still felt bad. My husband feels like he's an item on a list; do my children feel it too? Why can't I be one of those people who truly treasures relationships and every moment they spend with their loved ones they are actually savoring it?
Yes, envy shows up even in strange ways.
The antidote to envy of course is gratitude. It's hard to be envious of other people when you are so busy being grateful. And there's plenty to be grateful for!! I have a happy marriage, a beautiful family, healthy kids, freedom to worship as I please, and a level of affluence that most of the people living in this world will never experience in this life. (Shoot, my middle-class lifestyle has luxuries that a king would have killed for five hundred years ago!)
Begone, envy! You have no power over me!
Waving aside all those other areas where I have problems (apparently I'm human), the one I wanted to bring up was envy. Envy sneaks up and bites me nearly every day. I find myself wishing I could have what some neighbor does, or do what some fellow blogger does, or just be what some other supermom is. I'm envious of people with clean, beautifully decorated spacious homes. I'm envious of people who are able to eat healthy and enjoy it. I'm envious of those disciplined homeschooling moms who give their kids a great personalized education. I'm envious of those people who managed to pay off $70,000 in credit card debt and then go on to pay off their houses and flesh out a retirement fund (hello, Dave Ramsey people!) I'm envious of other people who are able to to put spiritual things in their lives first no matter what and find peace therein.
You rosy moms who blog about finding the joy and eternal significance in doing the dishes and laundry, how do you do it? How do you see such things as "blessing your family" and not just another thing on your to do list? Terence and I were having a conversation the other day-- I was fretting a bit about why going to the temple just seemed like another task I needed to complete for the day-- and Terence pointed out that everything in my life is just another task on my to do list, even spending time with him and the kids. Even things I do for "recreation" like writing stories or playing video games end up on a list (it's true). It doesn't bother him-- he says that's just how I think, not that it means that everything in my life is just something I want to get over with. But I still felt bad. My husband feels like he's an item on a list; do my children feel it too? Why can't I be one of those people who truly treasures relationships and every moment they spend with their loved ones they are actually savoring it?
Yes, envy shows up even in strange ways.
The antidote to envy of course is gratitude. It's hard to be envious of other people when you are so busy being grateful. And there's plenty to be grateful for!! I have a happy marriage, a beautiful family, healthy kids, freedom to worship as I please, and a level of affluence that most of the people living in this world will never experience in this life. (Shoot, my middle-class lifestyle has luxuries that a king would have killed for five hundred years ago!)
Begone, envy! You have no power over me!
Comments
Keep doing what you do Heidi! You're my hero all the time!!