Some Gratuitous Advice

Lissy posted the other day with some of her favorite "mommy secrets," you know, tips for getting by as a parent. She asked the rest of us to share some of our own tips as well, the general idea being that we can all learn some cool things from each other. Maybe even something useful, right?

Well, I wracked my brains for an afternoon for my own mommy secrets, and I couldn't think of much. See, I've learned a lot of coping tips and tricks over the last nine years but most of them I don't need anymore (either because my kids have gotten older or because it's just laughable to use them with four kids). Generally, what came to mind was the standard stuff like putting dinner in the crockpot when you know you are going to have a busy day. Eh. Most of us already know stuff like that.

But I did narrow down a couple of my sanity saving secrets or advice or whatever. They are more like general principles for surviving with four kids than cute little ideas. Here goes:

1. Save one day a week as your appointment day. I keep Tuesdays open. I don't schedule visiting teaching or piano lessons or classroom volunteer time or recurring activities for the kids on Tuesdays. Whenever a dentist appointment or doctor appointment needs to be made, I always make it on a Tuesday (if at all possible). And I automatically know it won't conflict with any other major commitments. Usually. Plus, when there are no appointments, I know I have one open day a week to recover from the craziness that goes on the rest of the week.

2. Exercise has to be a priority. Some kind of exercise, almost every day. If it is not something I plan for ahead of time, it will get shuffled to the bottom of the list. However, I have learned that exercise really makes the difference in my ability to cope. I have physical endurance that I didn't have before, and being a mom definitely requires endurance.

3. Never judge another mother. This one comes back to bite you in the behind big time. Want to experience some mommy trauma? Criticize another mom and you are almost guaranteed to find yourself in her shoes some day. You never judge another mom, you say? Well, maybe it's just me, but I have been guilty at looking at another mom whose kids have mismatched clothes, unkempt hair, and dirty faces and thinking to myself I would never go out in public with my kids looking like that. Have you never once thought, "I can't believe so-and-so had another baby! What was she thinking? She can't even take care of the ones she already has!"

Judgement. It's a dirty word. Look, I learned this the hard way, so I will pass the advice on to you mommies who only have one or two kids. Please, please don't be too harsh on those moms who have more kids than you do. You're not there yet, and if by some chance you end up with more children one day, you may find yourself in the same situation that you criticized before. In my case, I did A LOT of that. And what happens is, you find yourself with 3 or 4 kids doing some of the same things and hating yourself for it. Trust me, you will judge yourself just as harshly (if not more) as you judge anyone else, and there is no better recipe for postpartum depression or overwhelming mommy guilt.

Are you kids fed? Are they clothed (more or less)? Are they alive and basically safe? Good. You are doing just fine.